Because...
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
I have to tell this to myself over and over again and I still haven't quite processed it. So what the heck:
I'M. GETTING. MAAAAARRIEEDDD!!!
I am engaged. A fiancee. Betrothed. Bride-to-be. Future wife. I have a ring on my finger!!!!!
One can imagine the state of my heart the past several hours. I've experienced every feeling from pure joy and elation, to sudden stress, to overwhelming happiness, to giddiness and anticipation, to peaceful satisfaction, to a zombie-like trance, to crocodile tears, to wedding dreaming, to staring in blessed bewilderment at my vintage ring (for minutes on end). UGH. But I have to say, despite the overload, one feeling has been a constant the past 47 hours.
I am humbly grateful.
I'm so utterly thankful that God prepared this too-good-to-be-true man for me. FOR ME! That he aligned everything in his timing, that he has done such a work in my and Ben's heart, that we are able to be together under God's favor, that the Lord is at the center of our relationship, and that HE will be glorified in our lives as a couple. WOW. Humbled. God fulfilled his promise to me -- the promise of creating and preparing and perfecting a human being meant solely for me and who loves me like I could never have imagined.
LOVE. That's another thing I'm feeling. So much love.
Song of Solomon says "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
I waited, and waited. I never allowed myself to fall blindly in love, to love the wrong person, to make mistakes in the name of love. I wanted to save it all up in my heart so my husband could one-day experience every ounce of love that I never spent on anyone else. Every bit of it. I wanted to know what love is, without a shadow of a doubt, before I ever succumbed to it.
Well, I've learned what love is:
love is offering me his coat, in addition to mine, willing to suffer the cold of December
love is disarming me in an argument by lovingly saying my name or calling me "sweetheart"
love is staying by my side in a crowd, his hands always finding their way to touch me tenderly
love is involving my family in a proposal because he knew how much I wanted it
love is reassuring me when money is tight, saying he can take care of it all
love is wiping my tears...these days it's the happy kind
love is taking away my fears with kind words as we drive down the highway on Christmas night
love is when he sends me text messages from the back of the auditorium about how beautiful I am from his view
love is seeking out a jeweler for a vintage ring rather than a department store with mass production
love is him hugging four-year-old Anderson and calling him "brother"
love is surprising me with a salad at work because he knows I don't want to eat junk
love is turning around three hours later to pick me up from work
love is buying me a wedding planning book after I say I'm overwhelmed
love is being so agreeable, despite his opinionated self, and allowing me to plan the wedding of my dreams
love is him encouraging me to keep up my sister time
love is knowing exactly how I like my starbucks drink
love is refusing to let anyone try on my ring before the proposal
love is the smile in his voice when he answers my phone calls
love is what I saw in his eyes when he knelt before me, eyes misty, but voice strong and sure
Yes, love. I'm exploding with it. This man is everything I want. He shows me every inch of his heart, he gives to me generously, he is wise and faithful, kind and honest, respectful and passionate, assertive and caring. Things will never, ever be the same again because I have found the one my soul longs for. My heart is so full. I am so humbled by the Lord's provision and match-making. I have so much love to give, to share, to lavish.
The Lord is so worth trusting.
Love is so worth waiting for.
And I am so happy.
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| pardon me, the waterworks were aflowin' prior to this picture |
