while I'm waiting for you

Hey, baby girl...

I am 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant and we are in the final moments of waiting to meet you. Emotions are high and change is so palpable that of course, I had to sit down and write, as I do, to let things settle and get stored for safe-keeping.

I'm thinking back on this pregnancy and honestly, it was quite something. 

Growing you inch by inch seemed to inch by. Slow in part because the social aspect of society has slowed during the pandemic. I spent so many endless days just home with your sisters, taking tums to fend off heartburn, and casually growing your limbs while playing make-believe or breaking up disputes while figuring out what to make for dinner yet again and glancing at the clock to see how long until daddy came home. I hardly wore make up. Hardly left the house. Hardly wore real clothes. 

Yet, even as the days blended together and dragged on and the overall "covid pregnancy" sentiment lingered, this pregnancy was by far the most eventful. It will be marked forever by significant life happenings stacked on top of each other that leave me feeling very "at home" with you inside my belly. Like enough has happened that we've just become a little team, me and you, weathering it together. As if the shared experience that grew me -- as I grew you -- bonded us. 

I'll always be thankful that I had you - close to my heart - during the last 9 months. 

We opened a coffee shop not long after we learned about you. It feels like the shop has been part of us much longer than the time it takes to grow a baby and I marvel that I've been pregnant with you the whole time! I joke with your dad that I'll finally be able to enjoy owning a coffee shop once I no longer get heartburn after the first sip (thanks for that).  Owning a business has been an interesting adjustment and we're still learning the balance of it all.

File under covid pregnancy: I went to all my OB appointments and ultrasounds alone, which made the visits seem longer and more frequent and never-ending. I saw you for the first time with your Dad on FaceTime and it was strange and sad. Holding the phone up, we shared a moment while he tried to hush your big sisters in the background to hear your heartbeat, squinting to try and catch all the curves and angles of your tiny frame. I asked the technician to print me photos, even though they've switched to digital, and she wrote "hi Darcie and Banks!" on the one with your perfect little profile. 

I got covid while pregnant around Christmas time. We missed out on so many holiday outings, but we sure did watch a lot of cheesy Christmas movies. Seems like ages ago, but I tell you what not being able to smell or taste anything while also experiencing intense food cravings was definitely Destiny Rothwell at one of her lowest points. Sorry for who I was then. It was a dark time. 

I watched my sister get married on a zoom call. Her in Australia saying yes to her forever, us in Virginia crowding around a tiny phone screen asking her to twirl around in her princess dress hours before the ceremony -- tears flowing because we knew it was the extent of "getting ready" with the bride. We celebrated BIG by hosting a family watch party complete with the big screen, catering, and wedding cake, but that bittersweet feeling was still strange.

Then your papaw had a massive heart attack and cardiac arrest during my third trimester. For a week straight while waiting on his recovery and wondering what life would look like, I would just rub my belly and tell you (but mostly myself) that everything was going to be okay and you were going to know him. He loves his grandkids so well and I am so thankful for the miracle of more time with him. It is a gift for you that I never want you to take for granted. 

But glory to God, you are coming to family still in tact. It's been a few wild months, but you have been born into a season of faith. We've weathered storms, waited, prayed, risked, worked, paved, and prepared. We have trusted God and listened to his leading and walked through doors only he could have opened. YOU are the gift we are now ready to receive...I can't wait to welcome you into this ferocious & crazy & beautiful world. 

baby prep, bunk beds, and mini vans.

We are all preparing for your arrival in our own way.

Dad is upgrading our coffee pot (priorities), putting together baby gear to make our life more functional, ordering lots of gadgets from Amazon, cooking for us (as always, you'll see), and of course doing normal things like dusting ceiling fans and cleaning toilets and filling an entire trunk of stuff for goodwill (these may have been my ideas....) 

Darcie is asking lots of questions and checking in on me regularly. Does the baby like spicy food? Does the baby have manners yet? Is the baby kicking you hard? Is the baby making you tired? She has dubbed herself the "little mama" and promises to help take care of you. I actually don't doubt her. You'll learn not to doubt Darcie James. 

Banks is testing everything out for you. Currently your swing and bassinet are occupied with her baby dolls. Your "HopHop" stuffed bunny is getting some extra love, too. And your pacifiers have almost gone missing on a few occasions from a very territorial 22 month-old.

Mama is waddling around ensuring home will be your happy place. You're on my mind every moment. It races, envisioning your face, and goes from task to task in a valiant effort to create intentional corners and drawers and spaces for you to occupy in our home. You'll be one of us. Your presence will change us and better us. I want you to take up space here and be known. 

We each wonder what another little girl will be like here. Another head of hair for bows. Another recipient of hand-me-downs. More pink, more Frozen, more pigtails, more drama. Another future resident of the babe cave bedroom. Another member of the Rothwell Sisterhood. 

But yet...your own person. Your own unique YOU. I can hardly wait to see who you favor, how you're different, and how you'll make your own splash. You have always been meant for us. And we're all eager to see you jump in and join. 

Darcie reminds us almost daily how your arrival will impact her. Top on her list is moving to the top bunk so Banks can move to the bottom and you can move to the crib (she's got it all worked out), and next up is moving to the backseat of the van. Oh yeah, we bought a mini van. You, my sweet girl, are what pushed me over the edge into a "mini van mom." Although, I will mostly blame your Dad. He was very persuasive on your behalf. It's still settling in for me, but your Dad is straight up living the dream and I guarantee we'll have some pretty epic adventures in pretty epic places if he has anything to say about it. Here's to Rothwell road trips! 

Back to the bunk bed. That was another big discussion between mom & dad. We got it when Banks was just a baby. It actually arrived in the mail the week before the pandemic hit and we set it up our first week of quarantine. I tried to convince Ben that we needed those cute little minimalist toddler beds, but he wanted function. He wanted practicality. A huge bunkbed that sleeps three kids. And who knew...it's going to do exactly that one day in the near future. 

You can come now. Your family can't wait to meet you.