life tips for my rothwell girls

Just some thoughts on a random Friday while I'm sitting in a coffee shop. Your Dad is home with you both after he told me to get some "me time." And of course I spend it thinking about you. About the lives ahead of you...what I wish for you to know, carry with you, cultivate. 

Here are some life tips from my heart to yours.

Rule your spirit.

You have what it takes to think clearly, exercise self-control, & rise above self-pity.

Make a bucket-list.

Give thought to the big & small things you want to experience in this life. You'll feel so satisfied when you check things off.

Send thank you notes.

It's a small yet thoughtful gesture that speaks volumes. 

Make faith, integrity, and courage the themes of your life. 

Do the right thing even when the right thing is hard. Always remember the one who gives you the strength in the margin. Don't fumble through with uneasiness, but instead rest EASY in the one who goes before you. 

Care about grammar. 

Learn the difference between they’re, their, and there. 

Lovers gonna love and haters gonna hate.

Let go of what people think of you. Love hard and without discrimination. 

Be slow to offense.

And quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. 

Strong is the new pretty.
Take care of your body, but do not obsess over it. Eat what you want without fear while always considering foods that fuel you. 

Make a habit of praying every morning for favor, anointing, and wisdom.

We've prayed it over you since you were born. You'll see doors open and God will give you the wisdom to know which ones to walk through.

Be others-oriented.
Make the nobodies become great somebodies. Don't underestimate kindness.

Know you're accountable for apologizing.

It's on you. Humility is important. Love keeps no records of wrongs.

Be teachable.
You're a student long after your school years.

Use your ears more than your mouth.
Listen, learn, think, observe. Wisdom lives there.

Find a man like your Dad.
I'm praying God replicates him just right for you. Be patient & don't rush into any relationship you don't feel peace about. And it's okay to openly compare him to the amazing men in your life...it just might provide some relief and clarity. 

Pay attention to your emotions. 
Feel what you feel. What is God saying through these feelings? Or in spite of them?

Let prayer do the heavy lifting.
Do not be anxious about anything...trust in your maker who holds it all together. Pray, pray, pray.

Laughter is medicine.

Be joyous. Smile whenever you can. Find people who make you laugh, refresh your mood, and lighten your load.

Be a leader, not a follower.

Don't follow the crowd, don't take your queue from culture. Don't let others determine your choices, your values, your likes/dislikes. The best leaders are great followers, but they discern the difference between who they should follow and who they should lead. 

Use your manners, common sense, and problem solving skills. 

This is SO important to your Dad. I know he will be a great teacher in these areas so you become ole pros. 

Friends come & go, family will always be family.

You've got a really big one and they're really the best. Never take them for granted.

Review & name your blessings.
Even the most common & ordinary. Gratitude gives you grace for what isn't & a contented grip on what is. 

Look forward to tomorrow.
No matter what happened today. Tomorrow is a fresh day with no mistakes in it yet.

Seek out people different from you.
Diversify your life. You'll be a better you if everyone around you doesn't look or think like you.

Be well-rounded & well-traveled. 

Go places, pursue hobbies, develop a skillset, value education, read books, watch documentaries, try new things, embrace new cultures, go on adventures, don't believe everything on the internet. 

Be a dreamer & a planner too. 

Find what lights up your soul, believe in yourself, make a plan, then a plan B and C, then work hard.

2019 in 365 seconds

Isn't it wonderful to know some of the best days of our lives are still ahead of us?

I documented the year we welcomed our newest daughter by taking 1 second video clips everyday, then compiled them using this app. This project was actually a New Years resolution and I'm proud I stuck with it!! I'm posting late, but since 2020 has been crazy so far, it's nice to revisit memories that bring joy while reminding myself that no season lasts forever. I'm deciding to continue this project this year -- 1 second clips to time capsule these quiet days at home. I think I'll appreciate them someday.

I encourage you to find ways to document these strange times. Pictures of your kids printed out, quarantine crafts saved, songs or poems written, videos created, gardens planted, letters written, journal entries to look back on, baby books completed. Tap into your own creativity! Don't simply exist, but choose to experience.

So here's to the little moments, the glimpses beyond the highlight reel, the growth & change that happen in the day in and day out, the way our lives strand together to create one story laced with beautiful, funny, and tragic moments.

And may we embrace the right now so one day we'll look back on 2020 and remember it fondly.

count your blessings not your losses

It's 2020 & the world is unlike anything we've ever known. It's strange & scary & surreal. And it seems selfish how much time we have together -- our little family. Everyday another day just us, isolated from what's going on out there. From the sickness, the empty streets and closed shops, the healthcare heroes who are leaving their families everyday to care for others. The simplicity of what our day-to-day life looks like now is too standard in the face of a pandemic. Waking up, wondering if we should have eggs or granola or both. Deciding between a Star Wars or Lord of the Rings marathon. Figuring out how to spend another day occupying a toddler and baby. Getting to spend every waking (& sleeping) moment with Ben. Baking, board games, cleaning out the garage, finally painting the kitchen cabinets. Being home in a house we love so much. The inside is insulated. But the chaos from the outside comes calling. The bad news we're bombarded with, the restlessness, the regulations, the confinement, the questions.

Last week, our governor announced a "temporary stay at home" order we all knew was coming. But the date "June 10th" took the wind out of my I-can-do-this-quarantine thing sails. Suddenly, I found myself grieving the small stuff...easter egg hunts, sundays in church, Banks' first birthday party, more time away from family & friends, Busch Gardens trips, farmers market mornings, Darcie's ballet classes, traditions put on hold, vacations cancelled.

It's crazy how quickly we forget how fortunate we are that the most we're being asked to do is stay home.

SO. I'm shifting my perspective. Choosing faith when fear comes sweeping in, when financial strain adds burdens. Choosing to smile at simple things and see that there's joy to be found in these jumbled and disrupting times.

Focus on the gifts instead of the risks, I tell myself. The moments of gratitude that bring calm and somehow burry the concern, if only for a few moments. I'm learning to see these, soak in these, and surrender the rest.

We are told to stay home to save lives. So here we are. On day 21 of quarantine in our house on Cranefield Place. So I'm counting blessings instead of counting my losses.

What I'm certainly grateful for in the midst of uncertainty:

- our new routine where we shut our laptops at 4:30pm and enjoy a family walk around the neighborhood

- not wearing make up 

- slowing down

- technology to connect with friends & family

- my job

- baking my mom's cranberry muffins that remind me of childhood

- getting outside everyday

- the blessing. on repeat (& Banks singing & swaying during "aaaaamen")

- buffalo chicken tacos

- every other dinner Ben has cooked the past two weeks
- church at home on my couch with coffee (never have I been more proud to be part of such a beautiful, strong, resilient, and unstoppable force called THE CHURCH)

- Darcie's first night in her bunk bed

- losing so badly at scrabble

- worship playlists (my favorite one HERE)
- healthcare professionals, first responders, military, teachers, and essential workers
- refinancing and saving on our mortgage in the the ACTUAL nick of time
- fancy tea parties at home with DJ and her dolls she calls kids

- our pristine duvet cover after bleaching it for the first time since being married

- Darcie telling me Banks is her "best fend" 

- a husband that hustles however he can in order to provide

- songwriting with Ben and his guitar
- uber eats

- my girls in matching pink overalls
- little pick-me-ups like a new plant in the mail or a good jam song

- empty beaches & sandy toes
- movie nights cuddled up on the floor in a sleeping bag with Darcie, pizza, and popcorn
- picking wildflowers on our walks
- the pride on Banks' face (and mine) when she finally learns how to pull up!
- Ben bringing coffee to my bed every morning
- time for us to talk and dream and argue
- reading this book every night before bed, which is quoted by the 2 year-old in its entirety
- national burrito day and free delivery at chipotle
- our double stroller

- new leaves on my fiddle leaf fig
- staying organized and nutritious with my handy dandy meal planner
- quaran-tune sessions with the newly assembled family band
- sleeping in while Ben gets breakfast for the girls
- zoom meet ups

- a warm slice of fresh baked bread with butter & jam
- watching spring unfold before our eyes
- waves from strangers and kind smiles in our neighborhood
- sister group chats where we exchange recipes, scriptures, memes, attempted new hobbies, and solidarity
- PJs all day
- teaching DJ the life skill and love language of homemade pizza
- love notes to the girls
- psalm 91 and psalm 42
- the smell of fresh cut grass
- Darcie's growing vocabulary & the way she definitively says "yeah. I fink so." when she's pleased with the choice she made
- the swing on our magnolia tree in the front yard
- snuggles on the couch watching Bluey when all else fails and we just. need. a. minute.
- the happiest smiles when B wakes up from her naps, her rosy cheeks, eager eyes, & red marks from her sheets successfully jolting me out of any funk
- sunshine & picnics, magic hour & bonfires
- balancing the belly laughs & exasperated sighs at trying to successfully co-parent while cooped up at home all day everyday
- Banks always there to bring the calm. the joy. the reassurance. Her tiny life yanking us back to simple wonder, the comfort of routine, easy laughter, and the importance of play.
- chances to teach our girls about Jesus through simple books like this
- the breakfast nook where we eat together as a family nearly every meal
- so much time for Ben to play with the girls...always a game on the agenda...daddy mountain, hide and seek, rocket ship, catch, monster daddy, puppy Darcie
- dance parties before bedtime
- time to think and pray and listen and write
- slowing down, self check ins, a soul refresh, maximizing the moment, deciding I will not waste this crisis

Dear Banks...

You're 6 months old. And every month of you makes our family feel more whole. We love your around-the-clock cuddles & the way you meet our eyes when we call your name. A smile always follows. Your smile reaches your eyes. And reveals small dimples in your cheeks. Some of my favorite moments with you are when I stare into your big brown eyes and watch them squint with a smile until they're just littles slits atop the chubbiest cheeks. Your cheeks make you friends everywhere you go.

You're the newest member of the Darcie fan club. You search the room and crane your neck when you hear your sister nearby. As if you're preparing for whatever she's got in store for you. You save your biggest smiles for her. You're surprisingly tolerant of her sometimes rough methods of affection. She likes to give you your pacifier, tell you "no cy baby" when you're sad, steal your toys when you're happy, and hold you in an awkward fashion & only on her terms. I anticipate the future of your relationship being tricky and totally awesome.

You love being worn. I'm thankful because we're on the go a lot. Since being born, you've gone strawberry picking, blueberry picking, pumpkin picking, and apple picking -- all while snuggled on mama's chest. The seasons are flying by and you're getting bigger with each one. But with every new adventure, we realize more and more how perfectly you fit right in. Right into our arms. Right into our hearts. Right into the family chaos. Right into the rhythms of the Rothwell life. The little Banks-sized piece we were always missing. The piece we sometimes take for granted because you are so quiet and inquisitive and forgiving and resilient.

At the beginning, I admit we would forget you were there! I blame exhaustion. Or your big sister. Or your temperment. You were content. Calm. We'd go about our business and suddenly: "oh yeah!! we have two now!" You'd kindly remind us of your tiny presence with tiny coos that quickly had all of us hovered around you, exercising our best and most annoying baby voices. You would attentively watch us, like you were trying to learn the Rothwell ropes in this big new world.

our first photo as a family of four

We struggled for a few months in mastering sleep. It was hard. And you fought us with a will so strong I was alarmed. You are stubborn, but your parents are just as much. Your dad would tell you during your crying fits, "you've met your match, Banksy." He named your middle-of-the-night bouts of screaming your "90 minute rebellion." But in the end, we won. And we understand all over again the delicate nature of childhood. The briefness of every phase even though they seem like they're endless. The theft of time. Here we are... so proud of you for learning how to fall asleep without our help. But also aware of an ache -- a yearning for those maddening & beautiful long hours of shooshing & rocking & feeling so needed & wanted. The answer to your restlessness. The key to your rest. Thank you for working with us, forgiving us, and cooperating with us. We all learned so much. And I can say you are finally, finally, finally sleep trained. I'll only need 2 years of therapy but I won't hold it against you.... ;)

You have many nicknames. Baby B, Bansky, Bansky Boo, Banky (daddy only), Queen B, Bankers (courtesy of uncle Landon), Baby Sisser (creative credit to Darcie James), Boinks, Banksy-Love, and the one your Nana so appropriately gave to you: Flopsy. Because you flop around as you're passed around and melt into whoever is holding you. Like you're just here for the snuggles. You haven't had a lot of interest in testing out new tricks like rolling or crawling...you like to people watch and gnaw on toys and be held by mama and be outside in the fresh air. But don't worry, I won't rush you. Take your time, sweet love. You'll learn the way. Just like you learned how to sit up. And I watched you focus with all your might on staying balanced. I laughed during playdates at the park where you tried not to fall over with every small gust of wind.

Sitting is now your favorite position for your favorite pastime: sister watching. You love to sit on the floor and play with the leftover toys Darcie gives you as she floats around in a land of make believe. I'd like to think she's giving you a lesson on how to imagine and dream. And that you're paying attention. So you'll be ready to take your place in her world of stories when the time is right. I also wonder how long you'll be okay with her toy-snatching, and if your temperament will always prefer others over yourself.  There's so much yet to be discovered. But this I know: you're an old soul. A mild soul. A kind soul.

You bring our family joy. You teach us lessons about grace & gentleness & sharing & persistence & presence. You make us wonder what the future will look like. You make us laugh at what today looks like because even when I'm tired with dirty clothes, dirty hair, and a dirty house... you are my "why" right now. And everything else can wait. You are the "who" that I want to know. And everyone else can wait.

So I'm thankful I know the details of Banks Felicity Rothwell. Like how you pull bows off your head, aggressively rub your eyes when you're tired, squeak when daddy sings to you as if to make it a duet, and how you reach for mama with everything you've got -- accompanied by the most pitiful whine. And in this moment, at 6 months old... I'll remember you as a sleep machine, a smile factory, a hand nommer, a toe grabber, a forgiving little sister. You love pears & sweet potatoes & bedtime stories & talking to yourself in your bed after naps with a tiny raspy voice that DJ hears and shouts "baby sisser UP!"

Happy half birthday, little one. You've ALWAYS belonged. I see you showing us just how much with every passing day. Thanks for being one of us. You're a natural at it.

xo,
mama



A video documenting your first 48 hours....

mother's day & 41 weeks

Day before mother's day, 2019....

41 weeks pregnant...

10:05pm and thunder storming. Ben & I are on the couch, watching Friends and listening to the rain.

The house is clean. All the projects and honey-dos are done. Pots and pans are washed and put away from the delicious homemade spaghetti sauce Ben made for dinner, to which he then turned around and whipped up chocolate chip cookies that Darcie calls "tooties" or "teats" (treats). We did bath time and bedtime all together, savoring it a little extra, and letting Darcie play in the tub a little extra -- because who knows what life will morph into over the next few days. Ben read We Are The Gardeners in our nightly reading spot in the rocking chair. Darcie loved pointing out the bugs and flowers and baby.

Speaking of flowers, Ben came home with some earlier today. Because oh yes, it's Mother's Day tomorrow. Although, I keep forgetting this weekend holds any special meaning because I'm so preoccupied with birthing a baby -- or the fact that I haven't yet. He handed the first bouquet to Darcie in the kitchen out of sight, whispered something to her, and she proudly came around the corner with her little hands grasped onto white tulips, grinning ear to ear while obediently handing me the bouquet. Ben came behind her with a second bouquet and a quiet, "Happy Mother's Day, mama." My heart melted at the gifts I already have.

We're waiting to meet our baby girl who will make our other little girl a big sister. The sweetest & fiercest big sister there was. It's all so surreal -- knowing your heart is going to implode and double in size soon to let another little one in, yet all the while looking at your sweet 21 month-old and wondering how you'll ever love another like you love her wild and silly self?

Tonight, as Ross & Rachael "go on a break", I'm distracted by my own thoughts of change. The good kind, but the kind that stretches you and breaks you and burdens you all the same. How will I do at balancing life with two? How in the world did my mom do it with 10?! How will I give them both what they need when they need it? How will I overcome the guilt when I fail? How will I make sure I give myself grace? How will I keep my wife hat on straight with a busy toddler and dependent newborn? What will our new daughter look like? Sound like? Be like? How will she be different from her sister? How will she be the same? Daddy is holding out for blonde curls and blue eyes. My sister told him that is quite specific and includes a lot of recessive gene requests. I will be perfectly happy with a third set of dark chocolate brown eyes to love & get lost in. We yearn to know her...feel her on the outside, see her take her place in our family.

In these waiting days (and they have been longggg), I have tried to be intentional in soaking up Darcie time while also preparing my heart to enlarge...and welcome a new little sisterhood into our home! I find myself in Darcie's room, envisioning it with tandem playtime, snuggled up reading books, magical memories that these sisters will share.

Tonight with Friends episodes in the background, my heart & head is holding hold onto the ordinary, insignificant moments that are everything to me -- gathering them up and cherishing them and knowing they'll be the ones I'll yearn to relive.

Like the sticky spots on the window from Darcie's little hands touching the glass as she waits and watches for Daddy to come home.
Or the Sunday afternoons spent snuggling in our bed, watching mickey mouse on my phone for way too long...her cheek against my cheek, loving the rise & fall of her contented breathing.
Or the way she without fail scoots across the couch to sit nearly on top of me while we watch a show together -- and then her baby sister inevitably moves underneath my skin, a jab here or kick there, already getting in on the action in her own way.


Throwaway moments or revolutionary moments...it all depends on perspective.

So to the girl sitting on my belly and to the girl cozy in my belly...thank you for giving me the most precious gift, the gift of motherhood. You are my life’s work. My calling. My own small mark on the future of this world. I will gladly go the distance with you...on the big days & the daily days, the grand & the grind, the loud “I love yous” & the quiet stillness of just knowing you’re known & seen & believed in. I love being your mom & look forward to seeing you BE SISTERS.

Now, come on, baby girl....we can't wait to love you. I can wait to be to you what I am to Darcie. Your mom. The one you'll need and love as fiercely as I need and love you.

babymoon round 2

Mostly pics, but just had to dump some good ole memories from our little getaway (40 miles from home) that was SO restful and relaxing and vibey. 

Some highlights:

- All I wanted was a tub in my room. All I wanted was a luxurious bath. Sweet husband tried so hard during check-in but the only room with a bathtub is only booked through corporate and not even Kanye West got that upgrade when he was last chilling in Norfolk, VA (allegedly).

- We strolled japanese gardens and snapped pics in a reflection of a macaron shop with the city scape in the background and just so happy in the moment.

- There was a photo booth at the rooftop restaurant that we frequented every night. We watched the lights on the water and curled up by the fire pits, talking, laughing, dreaming.

- Bath robes and coffee was a thing in the mornings. Who knew you could be so happy to just sit and look out a window at ships in the harbor? 

- Local coffee always. But also, overalls might not be the best when you're 37 weeks pregnant having to pee every 10 minutes.

- Our niece, Brighton Eliana, was born halfway through our time away so we took a detour to welcome her to the world (and also kiss our little DJ while we were at it 'cause you know). 

- The food. Fresh salads, eggs and bacon for breakfast, funnel cake fries dipped in nutella, ramen bowls, frozen yogurt, and let's also not forget the enormous pretzel with beer cheese. Praise the Lord.

- A fire ravaged Notre Dame and we watched the footage and read the headlines, heartbroken, with the rest of the world. 

- Exploring the city, but also super content to find little corners in our hotel, plop down, and talk for hours...because the hotel was that beautiful. And the natural light was that superior.

- Strolling main street with my main squeeze.

- Anticipating our baby girl. And holding our breath for the future while relishing the quiet togetherness we shared.

What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet.