independence day in more ways than one

Fourth Of July is one of my favorite holidays. Although I'm only HALF American, I take that half pretty seriously, hence why I love celebrating this wonderfully privileged country -- and I don't take for granted that I get to live here and raise my family here thanks to the brave men and women who have made it possible.

There's just something about a SUMMER holiday. Fourth of July is really the only one! Right smack dab in the middle of the magical season of summertime. I think that's another reason why I look forward to this day....the buzz of people making plans, the patriotic outfits, the firecrackers and sparklers and bubbles and sprinklers and sidewalk chalk, the full pools, full grills, and full hearts. It's just so perfect!!! I admit, this year I planned coordinating family outfits and stocked up on bomb pops and snagged a red & white checked table cloth for the brunch we're hosting. My husband rolls his eyes. But whateverrrrr.

July 4th, 2013

This day also represents a lot to me personally - a nod to my own evolving independence as a woman. It's been a day that embodies the elements of feel-good summer with the feeling that all holidays from then on will be different. It's a day that's found me celebrating my country with my family, anxiously waiting on the cusp of something new.

In 2013, July 4th was the last holiday Ben and I spent together with different last names. Our wedding was one week later. I distinctly remember holding onto that day -- cherishing it. Going home after fireworks and staying up late with my sisters...talking and laughing...knowing in the back of my mind those sweet sister hangs on the third floor would soon come to an end. I remember driving around in the back of my parents' van, holding Ben's hand and thinking ONE WEEK ONE WEEK ONE WEEK ONE WEEK until we're married. I remember getting giddy about all my holidays forevermore starting and ending with him. I remember wondering what traditions we'd start and where we'd celebrate in the years to come and who we'd be when we got there. In a way, that slow day off work from my 9-5 job to eat hotdogs and make memories was my last hoorah before giving up independence as Destiny Morrow to become Destiny Rothwell -- a woman who would live with, learn from, look to, and love someone else with her whole heart. I was on the cusp of the rest of my life, my happily ever after, my love story climax.

Fast forward to 2017. Five years later and July 4th somehow managed to be that same "final" holiday before life as we know it would change for good. I was 37 weeks pregnant. I woke up that day with the palpable feeling that this was it. Our last holiday before our baby would forever be part of the festivities. It was a FULL day -- made perfect by things we love with the people we love most. We had an early family breakfast with my Dad's homemade waffles then hit the road to Richmond where the lot of us (19.5 to be exact - because Darcie made 20!!!) took over the tiny Nordstrom coffee shop at the mall before shopping sales and getting Mexican food at our favorite tex-mex place. I remember I wore the only sandals that still fit my swollen feet. I remember I SAT on a mannequin platform at H&M while my sisters tried on clothes because why did we walk the mall in its entirety and just why would I be in need of any new clothes with this belly? I remember being so uncomfortable, but SO HAPPY. Like, so happy. Maybe the chips and salsa had something to do with that -- and my favorite faces shoveling them down so fast the poor table server couldn't keep up. We headed back to my sister's house and next up was (not quite legal...?) fireworks and sparklers (next up for me was BEDTIME, but I'm never one to bust a party so I had to put my game face on). I was so exhausted and my feet and back and everything ached so badly that I literally couldn't stomach the thought of standing in the cul-de-sac and hollering at the boys to "take cover" or watching the kids' eyes light up with every "pop." So Ben kindly opened the trunk to my sister's minivan and I tried to lounge back there and still see everything and "be present", but I couldn't make my awkward body work right and the baby's foot was in my ribs and blah blah blah I finally told Ben to just take me home.

July 4th, 2017

I may have drawn a hot bath the MOMENT I walked through the door. And I may have been legitimately shocked that my feet could actually get that fat. Yes, July Fourth may have been the day I REALLY realized I was super pregnant. That night while soaking in the tub, all I could do was dream about next year...actually having this baby with us...not being pregnant...not falling asleep to the pops of firecrackers in the truck of a car with a spare tire jutting into my back. It was my last holiday without kids. The last time it would just be me and Ben. The last time there wouldn't be a third Rothwell -- a mini American experiencing the magic of holidays. I had that feeling again. Like I was on the cusp of change that would change me. Like I was letting independence slip through my fingers. As if my existence wouldn't just be about me anymore. And I knew I was about to do that surrender thing again...surrendering Destiny Rothwell to become mama. Twenty-three days later, I did just that.

Today is July Fourth again...2018. One year after the non-shopping-trip-with-Mexican-food-that-gave me-indigestion-best-day-ever. With this one in the books, we've officially celebrated EVERY holiday with our Darcie James. I kinda want to congratulate her for living to see all the special days that she'll one day understand and appreciate. Life with her is better than all the best holidays combined. It's been SO fun adding her to every celebration. Who am I kidding, she MAKES every celebration. Each one a little better than the last. Each one holding such irreplaceable memories that I feel a little like I did on July Fourths past...like everything I know is changing, shifting, fading. Like this day inevitably forces me to hang on a little tighter -- my thumb not able to catch the corner of the page before it turns on today and tomorrow's header will be a whole new chapter. And right now, I just want to truly saturate myself in the moments before they're relegated to live on in my memories. Today was just too sweet.

July 4th, 2018

Her laugh-squeals when we toss her up in the pool or the surprise-turned-to-pride when she slaps the water with her palms and it splashes up onto her sunscreen streaked cheeks. Or the frustration that no matter how many times we say "no", she will. not. stop. biting. the. pool. noodle. Her determination as she kicks her little legs to get as close to me as possible. The way she crosses her chubby ankles when lounging in her floaty. Or the uncoordinated wave to her dad at the grill while she lives her best life in the pool. The cuddles after swimming because she missed her nap but won't miss any of the action, daggonit. That summer smell of sunscreen on her soft baby skin...me breathing it in deeply every time I pick her up. Her cute belly poking out of her outfit...and those bare feet that I kiss probably 50 times a day. Or the way she polishes off a whole hotdog and then some watermelon and sliced cheese...and chugs down la croix from a straw because she's fancy like that. The crawling and cruising and exploring...and my anxiety when she finds yet another small object to put into her mouth. Her babbles from the backseat and her fake "coughs" because she's figured out that whenever she coughs, we look at her promptly. Her tight squeezes whenever we ask for them or the way she smiles and puts her hand on her mouth to blow kisses literally every time she sees me and Ben kiss.

In 23 days, her first year will come to a close...she's checked off the big stuff and ready to move on to toddler-hood. And mama ain't ready. I feel that word surfacing again: independence. But this time from her. And it comes out of nowhere. With no warning of attack. For the past 12 months,  I've been everything possible for a tiny human who is absolutely dependent on me. I've spent so long conceding my own independent identity that I didn't think I'd come face to face with the term again so soon. But here it comes....independence...charging in like the early Americans fighting for freedom. She'll fight for hers. And I will have to relinquish it slowly but surely. And yet, as a mom, I know I will always battle for her. Advocate for her. Be dependable for her. She'll find her voice, her place, her light. And I will be there to make sure they never go unnoticed. To make sure they light up like fireworks and resound like the shot heard around the world.


Goodbye, July 4th...until next year.

promises to my daughter in a coffee shop

Dear daughter,

It’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting in a coffee shop thinking of you. I woke up and declared it was the perfect day to treat myself to brunch -- who knows how much longer I will have the luxury of alone time with your soon and imminent arrival! Saturdays will soon look quite different. So I got dressed (no easy feat these days), gawked at how big my bump is, kissed your daddy goodbye, and headed downtown. I wasn't the only one with this idea and therefore had to park a little farther from the cafe than I would have liked, but people keep saying, “walk that baby out” so I shrugged and rolled with it (and almost ate it tripping on a curb). I'll admit to you, I parked in two hour parking three hours ago…but I just can’t bring myself to walk back out in that heat at 39 weeks pregnant. So I'm crossing my fingers that I don’t have a ticket waiting for me. July in Virginia is no joke, you will learn. Pool parties for all your birthdays, deal? Deal.

There are more productive things I could be doing right now with a nursery to finish, closets to organize, errands to run, etc. etc. etc. but I’m told I should “rest” before you come, so I interpret that to mean camping out in a corner booth in a relaxing atmosphere to eat good food, drink an iced latte, and write with no agenda whatsoever. Go me! 

I ordered an avocado omelet with tater tots. The tater tots won me over. I’ve been craving potatoes like crazy while you’ve been growing. I’ve always been a french fry fiend (it will be EXTREMELY difficult to share them with you when the time comes), but it's expanded to the dangerous -- loaded baked potatoes, hash browns, kettle cooked chips, anything! I've heard about strange cravings... like the women who want to eat paint or something. I’ve just had sudden urges for really yummy things... gummy candies or corn dogs or soft pretzels or buttery biscuits or FRUIT. ALL THE FRUIT.

I wonder what foods will be your favorite. Your dad already discusses (with glee) all the blended concoctions he is planning to make you. Your weekly menu will probably be more sophisticated than ours. I wonder if you will love brunch as much as me. If you will request breakfast for dinner or take pride in making and savoring that wonderful morning meal. I can almost imagine your eyes lighting up when your daddy says waffles or donuts are in order. We've been talking about all the weekend traditions we will start. We’re waiting for you to be be a part of all the memories from here on out, which is so exciting for me. It feels like everything is a suspended breath before you show up.

This coffee shop keeps playing the best music. “XO” by John Mayer, “Heartbeats” by Jose Gonzalez, “Here Comes The Sun” by the Beatles, "Vienna" by Billy Joel. Your daddy and I love music. Back when we were dating, we made each other mix CDs full of all our favorite songs and we’d give them to each other to play in our cars nonstop. You won’t know what a CD is…and cars aren’t made with CD players anymore, but don't worry, we’ll be sure you know all the songs we love. I can’t wait to see you bop your head, clap your hands, dance to the beat, and even SING along! Family dance parties will be a common occurrence and I think you've been getting a head start by practicing your moves from the womb. Maybe you've been eavesdropping on what we've been playing. I created a playlist called "For My Daughter" full of soft ballads that I think will serve us both well during nighttime feedings and nap times. You will find I make playlists for everything and I only thought it fitting that you have your very own -- an initiation to the Rothwell Square, if you will. I think you'll like it. I think it will suit you.

One bad thing about being in one place for a long time while pregnant: the amount of times you have to get up to pee, and the people around who definitely begin to notice. As I walk past, they look up from their coffees, glance from my belly to my face and offer up a smile, or the bolder ones will ask my due date and consecutively exclaim, “you can’t be five days away!” I just nod and smile politely because what do you say to that?!

The doctors say you’re a little thing. At one point, you were in the 8th percentile for growth! Will you fit into any of the clothes we have for you? They also say not to worry (or buy preemie clothes) because you will grow fast, which is both a relief and a reminder to truly cherish you in all your newborn deliciousness. You'll change everyday and the days will race by and soon you’ll be wearing makeup and getting your driver’s permit. Okay, okay…I’m getting ahead of myself. One look at the newborn size diapers and I’m put back in place. But even those seem SO SMALL. I can’t imagine a human with a tooshie that little! 

There’s a lot I try to imagine; there’s so much I wonder about you. Yesterday during an ultrasound the technician said she saw little hairs on your head. It’s a good thing because with this heartburn, I’m nearly convinced you’re Rapunzel in there! We wonder if you’ll have dark hair like daddy or light hair like mama. Will you arrive late like I always am? Or will you be reliable, prompt, and predictable like dad? I could sit in this coffee shop all day and dream about you. Downing one choco-nut mocha after another…or maybe not because I’m not supposed to have that much caffeine while you're still in there! I try so hard to understand what it will be like to hold you in my arms, but it's been 39 weeks and 2 days of you and me like this, your tiny frame nestled in mine, that anything else doesn't seem possible. 

We promise to love you. We promise to do our best to anticipate your needs and ease you into the rhythms of our life. We want to share it all with you. We promise not to slow down, but to keep moving forward with a new sidekick for all our adventures. You'll fit right in. Like you were always meant to be there. We promise to let you change us. To let you stretch us and teach us about sacrifice, selflessness, and surrender. Pretty soon my body will no longer be your home and we promise to give you a good new home, a soft place to land, somewhere you'll love and long to be.

Right now, you're a little mystery kept safely under my ribs, but I'll work everyday to learn everything there is to know about you. I'm proud of the way the ligaments in my body have stretched to accommodate you -- my mind and soul with it as I ready myself to be your mother. I promise my patience and I promise you peace. I won't be superwoman and I won't be perfect, but I will be your normal. I will be your comfort. For a time, I will be your sustenance. And I will be perfect for you. 

I promise to breathe through the tough moments in our first weeks together and exhale kisses onto your cheeks a billion times a day. I promise to get stronger, get more comfortable, and get some sleep...eventually...for both our sanities. I promise to ache when you ache and laugh when you laugh. I promise to put you first, to sacrifice so you can flourish. I promise to teach you things -- even the hard things -- when the lessons are hard for you and hard for me -- because we will both get better, and I will learn with you. I promise to stay grateful, to not take you or this gift of motherhood for granted. I promise to love your dad and model the respect he deserves so you will learn to give it too. I promise to be present. I promise to celebrate you well. I promise to grow with you. And when the time comes, I even promise to share my french fries with you.

I love you so much, my daughter.

xoxo,

mom

summer 2013: "it's delightful when your imaginations come true, isn't it?"

This summer, one of my very biggest dreams came true. The same dream that echos in the hearts of every girl from about five years old onward. 

The opening scene of The Wedding Planner comes to mind-- a little girl donning a white veil is sitting in a sunlit room, surrounded by toys, with a Barbie and Ken also dressed up and ready for marriage. My sisters and I acted out that very same scene many times in our own barbie days. Weddings were the very best story line to play...we'd always beg my mom to buy us more ken dolls so more of our barbies could get married! I smile now....even then we knew that Barbie was better with Ken. I guess we had school-girl intuition that everyone desires to find a person who is willing to change their whole world and tailor it to yours, that single person who will sleep beside you, live beside you, and love no one besides you. 

It's just like the little girl from the movie says as she holds up the plastic bride & groom:

"From now on, he'll take care of you...and you'll take care of him. He'll make you big bologna sandwiches...and you'll buy him new socks and a white briefcase. And you'll live happily ever after. You're the luckiest girl in the world, Barbie."

On July 13, 2013, barbie matrimonies were long gone. I was the one wearing white. I was saying "yes" to a man who is tall, dark, and much more handsome than any ken doll. I had my own precious promises written in a mini molskine notebook and I was ready to declare them to the world. My overall vision for the day that first originated in my mind had been flushed out, sketched out, mapped out, and planned out. Every detail had been crafted. Every chandelier had been hung. The 7 month wedding planning journey was over and there I was, sitting in a salon chair getting my hair done by my talented sister, totally freaking out. I knew it was the beginning of a long, long day (as I had been told), but I knew it was also the beginning of much more. No, of everything. That day was when it ALL began. 

I need help from one of my most favorite books to summarize my point:

“But Anne with her elbows on the window sill, her soft cheek laid against her clasped hands, and her eyes filled with visions, looked out unheedingly across city roof and spire to that glorious dome of sunset sky and wove her dreams of a possible future from the golden tissue of youth's own optimism. All the Beyond was hers, with its possibilities lurking rosily in the oncoming years — each year a rose of promise to be woven into an immortal chaplet.” -- L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

My wedding day was the beginning of all my hopes, all my imaginations, all my plans, and all that God has promised to fulfill in my life! It was as if my story leading up to that point no longer mattered, suddenly everything that came after was much more exciting and enticing. I realized I am no longer out to be the great Destiny Morrow, but rather WE are out to be the great Rothwell Family. And all our goals and dreams are now shared. His are mine and mine are his. How amazing it is to have TWO people pushing you to become who you want, to pray like you should, to love like Christ loved, to cling to your passions, and dream up new, crazy dreams. So, taking a cue from my red-headed kindred spirit, I'm sitting with my chin in my palms, peering out the window of life, confident that all the beyond is ours. 

“All in all, it was a never-to-be-forgotten summer — one of those summers which come seldom into any life, but leave a rich heritage of beautiful memories in their going — one of those summers which, in a fortunate combination of delightful weather, delightful friends and delightful doing, come as near to perfection as anything can come in this world.” -- L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams

"lately I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we couldbe"

I'm a "little moments" person. I like to keep track of details that would otherwise be forgotten. Because they are the things that characterize a situation, a relationship, a place, an event, an encounter, even a lifetime. While on my honeymoon, I paused at these little moments and took mental snap shots. I wanted to remember the feelings, the soundtrack, the array of tastes, the minuscule adventures, the conversation exchanged, the moments when I thought: I cannot possibly love him any more than I do right now.

here are some little moments throughout my first week as a wife, the first week with my husband:

- ordering room service at the Williamsburg Inn, sprawled across the king size bed, eating the fanciest chicken ceasar salad ever made and talking about our favorite parts of our wedding day
- the congratulations greeting from all the hotel staff we encountered...it was as if management sent out a memo to every employee about Mr. and Mrs. Rothwell's wedding night stay
- our excitement upon discovering the heaters on the marble floors in the bathroom
- the cleaning lady who forgot to knock before entering (note to self: actually use that "do not disturb" sign)
- waking up to my brand new husband saying, "I'm going to draw you a bath" (I mean...come on...draw me a bath? Swoon)
- 40s music all the way to the Blue Ridge Mountains
- forgiving Ben even after the 5th time the seat warmers "magically" turned on and turned into a leather stove, practically cooking me
- pulling off for a quick restroom stop and instead getting distracted by a history book on the shelf about JFK's presidency; we're both standing there engrossed in our own copies...me reading about Jackie's fashion influence (she TURNED DOWN a Vogue internship in PARIS) and Ben reading about his politics and assassination...45 minutes later we're back on the road
- sleeping in the trees, under the stars, at our adorable Garden Cottage
- watching fireflies at dusk from the wrap around porch while munching on a pile of homemade chocolate chip cookies and sitting cross-legged in oversized rocking chairs
- my sweet husband saying, "I wish I could marry you every weekend"
- mouths watering as we perused the stash of provided menus, adamantly discussing where we would eat dinner each night
- cuddling during old romance movies and feeling Ben's body shake with laughter at Cary Grant's jokes
- antique shopping down Main St.
- several spontaneous Target trips for snacks & drinks to stock our mini-fridge
- devouring THE best wings ever from Bull & Bones restaurant, Ben completely unaware of the sauce smeared across his mouth as he hilariously announced his sudden yet undying love
- mischievously trading scrabble letters for every vowel I needed while Ben was transfixed by Friends episodes
- practically choking on popcorn as we laughed our way through the movie at the drive-in theater
- walking hand in hand through every city we visited, knowing we're husband and wife and wanting everyone else to know
- mid-day naps and afternoon tea
- killing time by sitting in the car and listening to our wedding music with our high tech headphones (which were a total splurge purchase)
- sharing the fruit & cheese board while fine dining....Ben automatically reaching for the Bleu Cheese (ew), me instinctively indulging in the Goat Cheese (mm), no questions asked
- pulling off at every overlook along the Blue Ridge Parkway...getting out, standing side by side, but silent in awe
- Ben's predictable eye-roll upon my insisting we start a habit early and make the bed every single morning
- leftovers night where we microwaved the remainders from all the local restaurants we visited, then plopped down on the couch -- in our robes and wet hair from the hot tub -- to eat an eclectic dinner at 10:30pm
- horseback riding at sunset through fields of wildflowers between vast hills outlined in blue
- taking a pit stop in the hippiest of towns, Floyd, and then leaving
- Ben playing with my hair while reading a novel on his ipad...me too much in dreamland to so much as even pick up a book
- balcony lunch overlooking the mountain silhouettes at Chateau Morissette Winery
- waking up every morning with this giddy feeling because: a) the man of my DREAMS was lying next to me (without a shirt) and b) we had a whole day of endless possibilities and beautiful moments to seize
- our private hot tub...ooo la la!!!

- the scent of Ben's deodorant, which is advertised as: wilderness, open air, and freedom

- the scent of Ben's spicy sweet cologne drifting up to the loft every time he used it

- okay, okay, the overall scent of MAN and knowing this was HIS smell and I would forever smell it
- eating dinner as early or as late as we wanted...having NO agenda...but aiming to at least arrive at restaurants before they closed (not always a success, oops)

- watching the food network (of course. I should have known) and chef Ben explaining the "dos" and "don'ts" of "Chopped"
- shopping at boutiques where my husband became my personal stylist who beamed and bragged whenever he found items he just knew I would love

- Ben's heaven-sent patience as I entered and exited dressing rooms numerous times

- his (sometimes comical) effort to give valuable insight on every outfit

- scouting for good coffee shops while on the go
- tasting all the sauces at every restaurant and guessing which one the other would like best

- climbing the ladder to the lofted bed and making Ben so nervous when I did it in the dark

- the charm of the slanted ceiling and floral wallpaper...noticeably more enchanting when the light of the morning beamed through the window
- the pink Hydrageas outside our front door that reminded me of our wedding every time we came and went
- Ben's steady hand there to help me at every steep part of the trail to the Cascade Falls

- sitting in front of the 66 ft waterfall, eating sandwiches with guacamole, feeling accomplished from our 4 mile hike, and relishing the freezing mist paired with the crashing sound of water

- rolling out of bed every morning, barely making it to 9am breakfast, but determined to do so because it was 3 courses, with candlelight, and savory recipes, and served on gorgeous china, and unlimited coffee
- deciding on the hot tub before our swim suits could dry from swimming at the Aquatic Center...nevertheless, we found ourselves squealing and shivering in our damp suits all the way to the hot tub
- mexican food date night where I cried and said between chips and guac: "you've just been the perfect husband...literally, the perfect husband." And you smiled at me tenderly, but I know you were actually just trying not to laugh at me

PS. Just realized how much of that mentioned food. Oh well...y'all know who I married...

showered

My bridal shower was exactly everything I wanted, but never expected: elegant, classy, dainty, delicate, refined, and definitely girly. We had summer florals, gorgeous tea sets, touches of lace everywhere, a fun photo booth, delicious treats, and savory sandwiches. My sisters and friends brought their best and I simply enjoyed every minute of it in complete amazement.

My sweet sister, Whitty Bit, was the witty MC who kept the party flowing. She was poised with confidence and had an abundance of jokes, which brought on rounds of laughter from all the ladies. With each new activity, Whit would ring her little bell before announcing what was next. She was so great. She kept saying "the bride to be" with the same excited emphasis every single time. I actually felt like the guest of honor! Brianna, the artistic one, put together a photo booth area with the props displayed in vintage suitcases or hung up on a burlap decorative mannequin. She also cut out bunting, tea dyed sheet music, and did various other crafty things to accentuate the overall look of the evening. My youngest sister, McKenzie, couldn't attend, but spent hours baking heart-shaped short bread cookies that were individually packaged with tea bags as a party favor. My oldest sister, Taylor, designed my STUNNING invitation that stayed on my fridge just for me to admire. She organized all the details and helped keep everything under wraps...they totally surprised me with EVERYTHING! 

All the tables were SO lovely. Each table hostess used her own china for place settings and her own creativity to decorate. My best friend Jordan borrowed her grandmother's tea set to adorn her table with hues of gold and pinks. My mom used her hand painted china, which she got as a wedding gift, and added blush roses inside a teapot for extra charm. The centerpieces were 3 tiered dishes that held the most delicious scones I've ever tasted: chocolate cinnamon and orange cranberry (made by a friend) as well as pimento cheese sandwiches (made by Morrow girls), chicken salad croissants (made by Morrow girls), and cucumber cream cheese sandwiches (made by my future SIL, Amber). I confess I couldn't stop eating. Then I visited the "sweet" table that was adorned with lemon pettifors and oreo cake balls. I was really in trouble.

My sisters prepared a game where I stood up to answer various questions about me and Ben. After each question, they compared my answers to ones Ben had previously given for the same prompts. This caused a lot of laughs since I am notorious for forgetting everything...including details about my own relationship and engagement! The hostesses also wrote a Destiny & Ben "fill in the blank" love story that was placed at every table for the women to complete over tea time. This addition was so special to me because it beautifully documented our story with humor and romance from the perspective of the people I love most. Hearing our history being read aloud by my mother, with her reading glasses and all, reminded me that I have a pretty spectacular God who works all things for GOOD to those who are called according to HIS purpose!

Here are some of the little details...

   

my bright details

bff and bridesmaid!!!

sweet friends

my MOH

 

crickets and rain

"I wish I could take pictures of sounds" Molly Hunter K. said with a sigh as she clutched her Nikon camera and followed me down the red brick path lined with lush greenery that stretched a few feet above our heads. We were on our way to our favorite spot in Colonial Williamsburg to enjoy the first moments of dawn. The drizzling rain provided the perfect morning mist while our feet splashed through shallow puddles that consisted of both rain and dew. Dancing raindrops bounced off the leaves of the trees before rhythmically falling and splashing onto our faces, and the crickets sang as if welcoming or maybe forbidding the rising sun. As light slowly and defiantly embraced the darkened sky, clicks from the shutter of Molly's camera seemed to echo among the vibrant hues of green -- forest, emerald, mint. The historic streets behind us were empty and quiet, allowing our soundtrack to occupy all space.

No, the pictures on Molly's camera definitely won't do this moment justice; they can't capture the melodies of the crickets or the drum of the rain.

As the rain came down harder, so did our laughter. Despite the dreary weather, which seemed to be straight out of an Austen novel (Marrianne, anyone?), or perhaps it was more Bronte-esque, we giggled with girlish bliss mixed with a bit of embarrassed shame...but just a fraction. Adolescents, still, no matter how hard life tried to make us grow up. "I wish our high school selves could see us," Molly said offhandedly with a touch of sarcasm. No doubt, our high school selves would never have anticipated we'd still be visiting the worn stairs covered in ivy five years later. I'm sure we thought we'd have much better things -- more sophicsticated things -- to do with our time. But here we were: hair soaked, umbrella ditched, black and white pictures galore, humming "Dawn" from the Pride & Prejudice motion picture soundtrack, and admiring cobwebs that shelved shimmering droplets of condensation. We really hadn't changed all that much, Molly and I. Sure, the topics of conversation shifted-- college, new relationships, missed opportunities, future dreams that suddenly (and dauntingly) seemed a lot closer. But us as girls? We were the same. Still as romantic as ever with a rather large flare for the dramatic.

Right now, I'm thankful that I'm 22. Young and free. Free to do these types of things -- by "things" I mean waiting for the sun to rise at 7am on a Monday -- and not being too caught up in apprehension or reputation.

all photos taken my Molly. Go visit her blog here. Go go go!

don't forget to listen for the crickets and rain in your own life....

"twenty-four oceans, twenty-four skies"

Because Ben doesn't particularly like surprises and because he particularly likes to have options, I gave him a choice between three different dates for his birthday -- and I wasn't the least bit surprised when he chose the most practical and laid-back of my ideas. This is Ben we're talking about.

So it was Yorktown Beach for some night time relaxation and conversation by the water.

I supplied the birthday mix cd that included "throwbacks, newbies, and pretty duets." Yes, we karaoke'd the duets the whole trip. And yes, I stole glances as his face softened and he let loose a small chuckle everytime he recognized a throwback song that had defined a moment or two, or three of our relationship.

the sky on our drive down the Parkway

When we arrived it was already dark and the beach was beautifully lit by the glaring lights from the bridge. We strolled down the small boardwalk, passing the crowded patios of seafood restaurants. Although my stomach seemed to be screaming at me and the occupants' food looked so good, I wasn't tempted. Ben and I frequently go out to dinner. But there was an unspoken purpose to this evening. This was a time for us to be still and soak in each other's company -- along with the company of the water that glistened yellow and orange a few yards from us.

We settled on a small alcove of the beach. Ben laid out the blanket and we plopped down. We were quiet at first as the night time wind began rustling the calm river. Then Ben began talking about the matters of his heart, which is not everyday conversation for us. I'm the one who talks about feelings, thrills, and sentiments. He's the levelheaded, logical, and steady one. So, as we're enjoying the hum of the cars racing across the bridge and the gentle rocking of the water, he just starts blurting it all out. Although he was telling me about good things, things we've been praying for, it was vulnerable nonetheless. I had to hide my pleasure as he talked, afraid he'd suspect I was laughing at him. I wasn't laughing at him! But I was excited because he was speaking my language. Over the next hour or so, we both did our share of talking and listening as we snacked on cheese and buried our toes in the sand.

Happy 24th birthday, Ben. I'm ready to spend 75 more with you wherein I'll listen to your most secret hopes and dreams that mark every single one.

Oh Canada

glimpses from my trip to my birth country:

downtown Toronto 

street side spider-man

Anderson's first time at Niagara Falls!

pretty niece

"play me,  I'm yours"

architecture inside the Parliament building

Poutine!!!!!

"No Canadian can stand at this cluster of buildings (...) without feeling that somewhere on this Hill, perhaps by a happy accident, architects, masons and stone carvers have managed to grasp and materialize the beauty of Canada, the vastness of its land, its lonliness, its youth and its hope" -- Bruce Hutchinson, The Unknown Country, 1944 

Tebow hunting

Last weekend, Tim Tebow took Williamsburg by storm. He was a guest mentor at a football camp and needless to say, the locals went a little crazy! My brothers and I decided to get in on it -- we hopped in the car and embarked on some serious Tebow hunting.

alas.
....................we found him. :)

throwing passes to the little ones at the camp

riiiiiight in front of meeee

So...that's my hair. And that's him smiling at me whilst shaking my hand.

It was a glorious day. The sun was HOT and so was Timmy. I used the never-washing-my-hands-again line. I got blisters from my wedges and weird tanlines from my shirt. So worth it. No regrets. 

Okay, I'm done now. Bye.