pregnancy musings

Here I am. Trying to figure it out. Everything is intensifying -- time, bump, anticipation, preparation...it's like I can't keep up with the thoughts that run through my head each day. And my mind doesn't have the option of stopping for breath like this preggers does when climbing a flight of stairs. It just runs wild with....well, everything. Like how I'm going to go from "Destiny" to "Mama." How I'm going to carry the responsibility of raising another human life. How I'm going to manage and control the amount of love that's inevitably poised to overwhelm me the moment I meet her. How I'm going to do all...that...laundry. How I'm going to face failure. How I'm going to feed and pump and sleep and work and be a wife. How I'm going to make sure she wears every outfit before she outgrows it. How I'm going to handle (survive?) this little person exiting my body. How I'm going to fit back into my jeans. How I'm going to parent this way or that way...and choose not to be pressured one way or another from outside people. How I'm going to know what to pack in my hospital bag. How I'm going to keep the house clean and tidy...or resign myself to just letting it be. How I'm going to endure the long nights with a newborn. How I'm going to still have time to love my husband the way he deserves. How I'm going to know what to do when I just don't. How I'm going to fit everything she needs into our little home. How I'm going to make sure we even get everything she needs before she arrives! How I'm going to fulfill those intimidating to-do lists that fill my head, bleed over onto a million notepads, and make my husband's eyes go saucer-like and silently scream, are you kidding me right now?! How I'm going to just CALM DOWN AND RELAX ALREADY.

And while it's scary, some part of me reminds me that it's part of what I was looking for in motherhood -- challenging myself. Finding strength for myself. Pushing through boundaries. Changing what I believe is possible for me. And asking myself daily how I can be better. Because this little girl deserves the very best version of me. I'm determined not to lose the wonder of what's happening right now. The honor of carrying her. Discovering what I'm capable of. Sacrificing as much as necessary for someone so precious and tender and fragile and helpless. I want to do my best to live in the moment.

So I still stop whatever I'm doing to feel that baby kick. Every single time. And with every kick, I feel a greater sense of purpose. I've never felt more purpose than now. I'm growing a whole new life -- lungs, cells, joints, eyelashes for goodness sake -- a life that may one day also grow another life! What a beautiful, beautiful part I get to play in the building of future generations. And isn't that what it's about? The legacy. The way God has appointed me and Ben to love, nurture, and teach this little girl with the most conviction and consistency we can muster. The way he has called us to invest faith and infuse courage into her small, yet mighty life.

thanks to my SIL for these photos!

Yes, I want to be a good mother. So naturally I want all the tangibles to show it. But what I'm realizing I need more is the Holy Spirit to empower me with the intangibles: grace, peace, compassion, patience, strength, resolve, grit, courage, kindness. These are the things she will see in me. These are the things I want to teach her. These are the things that will make the biggest difference as she grows into who God has already designed her to be. What a privilege I have -- getting to partner with him in helping her reach her ultimate destiny. And I desperately want to carry that mantle with honor and diligence.

So when it feels like this child is using my bladder as a trampoline or when my nerves go wild or when my face breaks out and everyone says "you're glowing!!" (but I know the truth) or when we buy yet another bottle of Tums or when I get overwhelmed with nursery decor or labor unknowns or the best stroller on the market or what clothes still fit me (or don't)...I want to lean on Jesus to help me see past the temporary and give me the courage to instead set my eyes on the eternal. How I'm a part of building the future. How I'm becoming my own kind of generation shaper by becoming a mother.

xoxo,

Destiny

presently preoccupied.

Her arrival. The short window we have left until we meet her. And all that had yet to be done or processed or felt.

It all seems so massive. Like none of the details can be forgotten or brushed aside. Because she is so precious and tender and fragile and helpless that I feel I can't drop any ball because what if it affects her wellbeing? I keep worrying about every little thing as if she will notice or care right off the bat. Mentally going through scenarios, amazon orders, and corners that still need cleaning. I try to soak in the present, but eventually throw my arms up exasperated because I'm just so preoccupied by the future -- the future that my snug maternity pants are telling me is coming very soon. I know seasoned moms (and-- let's face it -- everyone else) will read this and think, bless her little heart, and I get that I'm overthinking everything and need to live in the moment more. Normally I do! I'm not much of a planner -- I'm impulsive & spontaneous, forever the optimist. The typical "it'll all work out, be patient, trust the process, enjoy the ride" girl. But being pregnant, I feel so unlike myself -- wary, nervous, scattered, and unsure. This emotional frenzy is what drives those intimidating to-do lists that fill my head, bleed over onto a million notepads, and make my husband's eyes go saucer-like and silently scream, are you kidding me right now?! 

Or is this just what nesting feels like and it's all fine?

Send help.

Sincerely,

overly paranoid pregnant woman

so we're having a baby....

It was Thanksgiving morning and we were in Canada. My aunt's kitchen was a flutter as people chopped potatoes, peeled carrots, dressed the turkey, and prepped pies for our massive feast. I remember realizing on the road trip that I was late, but I couldn't possibly be pregnant. It's one of those things...I just couldn't envision myself with a bump, waddling around eating everything in sight and making a birth plan!

Thanksgiving...moments before our "WHAT IF" convo

I have a husband who is very attentive and observant. And in Ben fashion, apparently he was tracking better than I was (eyeroll). Amidst the frenzy in the kitchen, he tugged on my arm and nodded toward the quiet hallway. As soon as we were alone, he pulled me into his arms and whispered, "I think we're pregnant." I didn't really know what to say...I half denied, half hoped, half mumbled something about how we couldn't really be sure yet. I mean, I didn't FEEL pregnant. I felt totally normal.

Famous last words...

Two mornings later, we were getting ready for our road trip home. Ben was in the bedroom, I was in the bathroom. Suddenly -- and it was very suddenly -- I felt strangely nauseous and lightheaded. I called to Ben and in the 8 seconds it took him to get to the bathroom, I was already sprawled out on the floor, leaning over the toilet. Our eyes met, but neither of us said anything....he just rubbed my back and I frantically willed myself to feel better. We had a 10 hour drive ahead of us with my entire family!

Between Tim Horton's coffee stops (where the thought of coffee made me gag... THE HORROR!) and the unanimous Wendy's choice for lunch (where I reluctantly ordered a small order of fries), I somehow, by God's grace, managed to appear calm and collected -- and normal -- the entire trip.

We arrived home around midnight and our suitcases had barely hit the floor when Ben announced: "I'm going to run to the store really quickly." No explanation. He just flew out the door. I was so exhausted I didn't really question it -- or put two and two together. I was nearly in bed when he got home. (yes, I was that clueless and that tired!)


He came back with a pregnancy test. I hadn't ever seen him like this -- giddy and a little apprehensive. Excited, yet anxious. His eyes were dancing. He couldn't wait....not until morning, not for 5 minutes. I took the test and we waited. I think Ben even set the timer on his phone. Five minutes. The longest five minutes ever.

Two pink lines. We gasped. We rubbed our eyes and looked again. I stared, analyzing the lines. Are we 100% sure we see TWO LINES?! 110% sure? Is this real?! We hugged and laughed. We cried a little. We started and stopped sentences...unable to coherently form words. It was past midnight with a long day of church ahead, but suddenly we weren't tired anymore. We sat on the couch for the better part of an hour and started dreaming...calculating our due date...listing off names...speculating about the future. One moment we'd be rambling a mile a minute and the next we'd just stare at each other incredulously, mouths agape, eyes welling up in tears, smiling like dummies. PARENTS. US! A BABY. OUR OWN!

It wasn't long after we found out we were pregnant that we found out we both secretly wanted a girl...it was sometime after Ben burst out with, "I just want to be a girl daaaaad!!" But honestly, I didn't really have any "feeling" or "inkling" about the gender until the morning of our gender reveal -- the party we planned with our family where we'd discover if this little human was a he or she. I opened my eyes that Monday morning and my immediate thought was: "it's a girl...I just know it." Sure enough, I bit into that cupcake, saw the pink frosting, and I don't think I've ever felt a stronger feeling of IDENTITY -- not necessarily for myself, but for her. I felt like she was KNOWN. Known by me -- her mother. No longer just "our baby" but now the promise of "our daughter." Suddenly, this little "she" inside my belly was her. And it had always been her. She was marked by God to be the little her who would give us a whole new role and responsibility in this life...a whole new path and privilege...a whole new meaning and motivation.

big thank you to my sister-in-law for these photos!!!        

Over the past 20 weeks, there have been SO many emotions / thoughts / feelings running through my mind (as is the case with any pregnant woman). It's absolutely CRAZY that there's a date on the 2017 calendar that will change my entire world. Every time I check the expiration date of something in my pantry or fridge and it says July 2017, I catch my breath a little: she'll be here. What will it be like?  We won't be able to eat this BBQ sauce...must finish before then! Kidding...but only a little. It's looming, her arrival. Her joining our family. Her little presence filling our home. Looming. In a good way, but also in a totally scary way. This anticipation and expectation so closely intertwined with uncertainty and wonder and questions. I literally don't know anything about her...I just know she's coming...and that I already love her in a way I didn't think possible. And that's an intimidating, yet exhilarating place to be.

Now, everything we do is in light of her arrival. We laugh at ourselves and how much we have shifted and changed already to consider her. And it's silly things. Ben will be a Dad -- and by golly, he'll be a strong one! He started a 91 day workout plan and sticking to it like a PRO, determined to be in "shape" for this new role. As far as for me...I am growing this little life and by golly, I will sit on the couch with a heating pad and cheez it crackers designing her nursery and making this home the ULTIMATE haven for our sweet girl. She consumes our plans, our thoughts, our conversations. Isn't it amazing that a person so small can have such a big impact? Right now she's the size of an ear of corn -- corn! Only 9 inches long. Yet our hearts are already bursting as she fills up every nook and crevice.

We thank Jesus for this miraculous gift and we feel so underserving of his TRUST in us! We pray that with HIS strength and guidance, we will be equipped for the task of raising a true warrior of the faith and magic maker of this world.


xo,

Destiny


We don't take this opportunity and responsibility lightly -- or for granted. We know many couples who are still waiting to celebrate as are are and we remember them every time we pray over this tiny life. God has not forgotten you and we have not given up believing in his miracles!

snow day, crystal rapids, and details

{ this post originally appeared on Molly Hunter Korroch's blog HERE }

It’s still snowing outside. It’s been a blistery white mess out there since yesterday afternoon. We tried venturing out. It was a fun walk to the nearby golf course where we snapped photos and marched across a completely untouched and unobstructed blanket of white. But when we turned around to make the long trek back, we realized very quickly we must walk into the storm to get back home. All the magic and romance of snow? Gone. Every few yards, we stopped, desperate to turn our backs on the gusty wind and flurries of flakes. Then we took each other’s hand, scrunched our scarves over our faces and persevered.

Now we’re back inside. I’m on the couch, listening to my “Whimsy Winter” Spotify playlist, writing (a prompt for my beautiful & TALENTED friend's blog). Ben is painting. Something about snow days as adults…you take advantage of the forced inside-time to actually get things done. Today it’s our back door. I was tired of it being white and, because I’m too indecisive and/or scared of commitment to paint color onto my walls, I decided to put a splash of something fun on a door. Because why not. Like I said, we're adults.

I have this thing about selecting paint colors for our home -- they are chosen solely by their name. And it must be a nod to nature: Gentle Rain, Orchid Haze, Sun Shower, Ocean Pearl, Falling Snow. I like words, and I’m sentimental, so it shouldn’t really come to anyone’s surprise that I’d care about something like this.  Tonight, Ben is carefully painting our door in pristine Crystal Rapids. It’s the perfect mint-blue pop to match the new Anthropologie knobs on our pantry closet. Yes, I asked for hardware in my stocking this past Christmas. The standard knobs were just plain white wood...boring. I wanted something vibrant. Metallic! Patterned! Gold! After all, it’s all in the details.

Details. I once heard a quote, "Details are the difference between mediocre and excellent." And who wouldn't want life to be excellent? So me...I like making life all about the details. Smiling to myself that my husband knew exactly how much snow we’d be getting during the storm because he refreshed the weather app every ten minutes for the two days prior -- "we're definitely getting a lot."  to verify we were definitely getting a lot. When he called me over to approve the finished door (and interrupted this prompt) because he won’t want to retouch anything later and he knows I’m picky. Correcting my Taylor Swift lyrics nonchalantly or putting just the right amount of Nutella in my latte. Powdered sugar sprinkled atop our brunch pancakes or arguing in the kitchen over how we should season the chili. What he obsesses over as he grades college students’ papers and then reading me their outlandish theories. Falling asleep to white noise from a cell phone, the ceiling fan on and the door open. The door has to be open. How he bought me a bright pink silicone cover to slip onto the video game controller designated just for me…as if it really needed the distinction. When he burns the bacon just the way I like it or puts cream in the mug before the coffee to avoid dirtying a spoon. How I know that “day three” of no shaving is the best 5 o’clock shadow on his angled face. Details. Making sure the shower curtain is always closed to prevent mildew or folding dirty socks to make sure they make it into the wash together.

Details are what make him him. What make us us. Tonight, I’m not telling Ben that Crystal Rapids might be too bright. I won’t try and explain how a softer color might make me feel calmer or suit our home better. It will irritate him. He’ll say it’s no big deal. I’m being too specific. Too…detailed.

I'll just wait to tackle that tomorrow.

xoxo,

D

live at peace with everyone

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.  Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.  Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

An excerpt of this passage was read at our wedding. My little brothers spent hours practicing and reciting it. They even took turns writing it out on paper and carrying it around in their pockets. And I'll never forget their voices during our ceremony: clear, a little sheepish, raspy, sure.

On that summer day -- july 13, 2013 -- I didn't really put much thought into how I would live this scripture out. I honestly didn't think it would apply to much more than my marriage -- a resolve & recipe for ben & for myself. I didn't think I'd actually have to use this as my "how to" guide for responding to real life on the outside with the real love of Jesus. I didn't think we'd find ourselves sitting at our kitchen table, his voice full of emotion as he reads these words aloud to me. I didn't think we'd be driving down fenton mill road, me ranting, and him reminding me softly: "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Now, it's become more than a scripture read at our wedding. It's become part of our life message. Part of our calling - to love others in spite of our preferences and priorities. I'm so thankful I learned this lesson when I did. I'm thankful God chose us to learn it and live it out - together. I am joyful because I have a sure and steadfast hope. I am faithful to surrender it to him in prayer because he hears and he has mercy. I am patient because I know God brings good out of affliction, serves justice, and grants peace.

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."  -- John Steinbeck 

xoxo,

d

about time and about life

I realize that I've nearly completely neglected this beautiful little piece of me. I've missed blogging, but also been busy living...so I guess it's okay?

I'm in a season of stretching & trusting. I'm being pushed out of so many comfort zones (necessary!) and also trying my hardest to look to Jesus when things get sketchy & uncertain (also necessary). It's a funny thing -- trust. You worry about so many things in life and often the thing that creeps up on you to threaten your joy & peace is the last thing you ever thought to stress about.

I watched the movie About Time recently. It's full of british humor, face-palm time traveling escapades, and Rachel McAdams (whom I love soooo much). But it also provides some pretty good life advice that kinda stuck with me and even had me grabbing it a second time at redbox.

Like this quote about worrying:

"There's a song by Baz Luhrmann called Sunscreen. He says worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind."

Or this one about life in general and knowing when to stop stressing and start living:

"And in the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: the truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live everyday as if I've deliberately come back to this one day - to enjoy it - as it if was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

So my life may be ordinary. I may work a crazy schedule and have a huge family and be way too obsessed with quality time to actually accomplish tasks (or blog for that matter). I may be going through some health issues and growing into new roles and trying to figure out the future (futile endeavor). But hey! I am loved by Jesus, my husband, and my family. And sometimes when you're finding a new rhythm you see those types of things more clearly: like when your people bring you coffee, drop off Zoe's Kitchen for dinner, text encouragement, and give you the best hugs when you need them. And in all of it, I am reminded that this life really isn't about me at all. It's about whose name I carry. It's about showing people Jesus -- reaching out, showing up, being there. It's about making Jesus known and spreading his GOOD news to everyone I encounter. So really? I am living the extraordinary life. A life of ministry. A life of hope. A life of purpose. A life that's evolving, constantly taking new shape, and for that I am thankful because who likes to stay the same?

(Now who can help me with time management so that I have clean clothes to wear, painted walls in my house, friends who feel poured into, and me time to decompress?!)

spring, why couldn't you stay?

(forgot to post this...)

Our AC broke last weekend. It was 89 degrees in our little home...pretty miserable for us snow-loving people. We gathered portable fans and lugged them around to whichever room we were occupying. We ate ice cream and stayed as stationary as possible -- on the couch watching gilmore girls. We I complained and whined and tried to crawl into the refrigerator. We made watermelon smoothies and opened all the windows. We fell asleep to the swoosh of cars passing by every 10-15 seconds and kicked each other if we got too close in bed. It was an adventure. One that we begged Nelson's Heating & Air to rescue us from -- to which they did so, kindly.

It was spring when we moved in last year...so in a way, everything has come full circle. We have officially lived at the rothwell square for every season! And there is a small sense of accomplishment in that. The evening light and fast growing grass and warm weather remind me of our first memories here - when it was empty and bare and new. We had a fully stocked kitchen from all our wedding & shower gifts, but zero furniture. Okay...we had two nightstands and three barstools.

It's easy to look around now with a check-list view. And while I admit to having a "next priority" wish list with a budget and pin board, springtime days remind me of our humble beginnings. And the way we've smiled and laughed despite being the poor married couple putting cash in a jar to save up for a bed frame so we can stop sleeping half a foot off the floor.

It's home. It's what we've made. It's the place I love. The place where I exhale after a long day of work. The place where I can sit on counters and blast music I like. It's going to be that for me whether or not we ever buy another throw pillow for my collection. And the most fulfilling part is the joy of filling it with the non-tangibles: good dinners on the grill, songs in the mornings, loads of coffee and devotionals, ben always rushing me out the door, changing the mood with a dimmer switch, turning in early because a storm starts and it's nice to fall asleep to rain and thunder. You know, those things that make your heart sigh and completely blind you to the cans of paint waiting to go on the walls.

I like having space to fill. I like making room for more. I'll keep doing both.

 

"Ideals"

Courage to face tomorrow,
Love that is clean and pure,
Faith that clings to simple things,
Hope that is strong and sure;
Strength when the storm clouds gather,
A heart that will soon forgive...
This is the gold your heart will hold,
These are the things that live!

Oh, for a spot that slumbers
Warm in the evening sun;
Oh, for a gate where dear ones wait
After the race is run;
Oh, for a peace-filled garden
With roots in the good brown loam...
Behind each hill they call me still,
The sun-splashed walls of home!

Songs you sang in twilight,
The warm sweet smell of the land,
A love-filled face by the fireplace,
The touch of a loving hand;
A kiss from the lips of someone
That no other lips can give....
This is the gold your heart will hold,
These are the things that live!

-- Carey Holbrook

25 things I want my niece to know:

Three years ago, my sister gave me one of my biggest joys when she announced to us that she & Drew were going to have a baby GIRL. I remember squealing, jumping, jumbling out my words, and grabbing at my sisters who unabashedly mirrored my antics. It had been boy world for so long in the Morrow reproduction realm. Four males in a row and finally we had our girl -- our leading lady for all our tea parties & make believe.

And our sweet Hallie-girl, as we affectionately call her, did not disappoint. 

She is the whole package. Spunky. Mischievous. Giggly. Loud. Loving. Cuddly. Confident. Independent.

She's currently visiting from Houston and everything in me wishes I could somehow capture all our exchanges on a recording device for excessive playback later...over and over again like the videos her mommy sends me of her singing Frozen. She makes me simultaneously laugh & cry when she walks into the kitchen unprompted and says, "um, aunt dedi? I wove you. I do. I wove you" in her high-pitched, curious, questioning tone.

I don't want the world to change her. I don't want the world to make her doubt her personality, her purpose, her possibilities. My wish for her on her third birthday is that she becomes a woman who chases after the light of her Savior until that light flows out of her once-blue-now-gray eyes.

So, my sweet Hallie-girl, this is what I want you to know one day when you're older. These are the things that people won't say are important. But they are.

1. There will always be someone older than you and there will always be someone younger than you. You are both a leader and a follower. Invest in others and invite others to invest in you. Find someone to mentor you and never count yourself too young to mentor someone else. But be valuable to them. Give them someone good to look up to.

2. Shoes and handbags will always fit. So splurge and buy really good ones.

3. Don't be afraid to say "no." It's a word that gives you power and -- despite what people may tell you -- you are allowed to use it. Protect what you love and what you know is right, and don't let pressure cause you to compromise. Say no to hindrances, self-doubt, society, boyfriends, friends, bosses, and even the pushy saleswomen at department stores.

4. Be a warrior, but also know it's totally okay to be a mess sometimes. Fight with all you've got, stand firm with confidence, but never deny yourself a good cry. Life is fluid. You don't always have to have it all together.

5. When it comes to other women: collaborate don't compete. We can accomplish so much more together and competing will only lead to discontentment. Sure, there will be women who try to break your spirit, but choose to hold your head high anyway. And only make friends with those who push you toward your goals rather than pull you down.

6. Your mom is your greatest secret weapon. Tap into her. Ask her your questions. Never shut her out. She will one day be your very best friend and will always, always, always be cheering you on.

7. If in doubt, do the red lipstick thing. Nothing classic goes out of style.

8. You're worth more than trying to convince a boy you're worth it. A friend said this to me and I'll never forget it. Don't beg him to stay, sweet darling. Just be the best YOU you can be and love yourself even when he doesn't.

9. You don't need to be graceful, but you should always be filled with grace. We won't care if you're clumsy on your feet, but we will care if you're clumsy with people. Exercise grace no matter how many reasons you have not to.

10. Your dignity is just that -- yours. No one can take it from you. Carry it proudly because it comes from within -- not from someone else.

11. Chase moments instead of material. Find joy in the simple things and the people with whom you share them. 

12. In your heart you will plan your steps, but the Lord determines your path. Be diligent in preparation. Don't be lazy when it comes to your future. Make your plans and map your goals, but always trust the author of life with your story. God's ways are always better than anything we can dream up ourselves.

13. Do your best with your skill set, but focus on your mindset. It's all about your attitude! It will take you further than any fascinating gifts or talents.

14. Love God, love people. Know your Savior, read his word, talk to him as a friend. And when it comes to people - be a good friend, hold their hands and hug their hearts.

15. Read all of Jane Austen. The countless movie adaption options make for the best girls' nights.

16. Handwritten notes are one of the kindest things you can do. It says to people "I thought of you. You have worth. You matter. I'm using my resources on you."

18. Do the right thing even when people aren't looking. And even when it's the hard thing.

19. Never fall in love with a man who thinks he's too cool for Lord of the Rings. That means he's not cool. And trust me, your parents will never, ever approve. (I mean, what else will you quote at family functions?)

20. Use proper grammar. Text lingo is really annoying.

21. Be a traveler, not a tourist. Meander. Wander. Take your time. Your map is not something to be followed but an opportunity to diverge. Get lost.

22. Make your life about more than yourself.  Let your heart break for the injustice in the world. Give generously to noble causes. Use your voice to help the helpless. Never be fooled that everything is okay just because you're okay. Live to love others.

23. Being smart is better than being pretty. Books are your best friends. Make-up is not.

24. It is actually okay to measure a boy against the greatness of your dad...and to rule him out if he doesn't make the cut. Your daddy loves you for the princess that you are. He sets the standard for how a boy should treat you. Never settle for anything less. Don't even give someone the time of day until he makes you feel just as honored, cherished, valued, and respected as your dad has done day in and day out.

25. Write something everyday. Scribble thoughts, jot down ideas, record funny conversations - be committed to self-expression. And never rip out the embarrassing pages from your journal...they'll make for a great laugh and lesson learned when you revisit them later in life.

pink pjs and sideways sleeping...this is our hallie-girl

morning cuddles with "uncle bin"

#bennybdaymania

Last week, we celebrated the birthday boy.

Here at the rothwell square, we commit to filling all seven+ days of the week with birthday-ness. Since it's only the two of us, we find it's way more fun to spread out the festivities & make them last longer! Yes...we're kids at heart.

But this year, life events demanded Ben's birthday week be a total "grown up" week filled with grown up responsibilities -- welcoming all his college students back on site, starting his master's degree, hosting Southeastern University execs from Florida, and last but not least, preaching up a STORM at all of CrossWalk's weekend services. 

Despite it being a wild, whirlwind week, I refused to let it pass without acknowledging the reasons I love the birthday boy! (it's my job as a wife, you know...) So while he's busy writing sermons, reading a tower of textbooks, planning meetings, and editing university handbooks, I'll cuddle up on our couch with my iced coffee sub pumpkin spice and write about this high-performing-task-oriented-overachieving-always-leading husband of mine. 

taken by my sweet sister-in-law

(since I'll never adequately put the amount of my love into words, I'll attempt to put the moments I love into words. After all, it's the beautiful togetherness we share that makes up our love...am I right?!)

I love him during the quiet moments at the rothwell square. I love him when we have taylor swift blaring, and the kitchen is a wreck, but we're having a dance party. I love him when we're driving around town - off to do something he doesn't necessarily want to do, but he's doing for me. I love him when we walk hand-in-hand at the farmers' market. I love him when we sit next to each other at work meetings, both getting passionate about the same thing, simultaneously. I love him (enough to melt) when I catch his stare from across the room & he sends me a quick wink. I love him when he wears his boxers around the house. I love him when I groggily awake to dishes clanging in the kitchen & I know he's making us breakfast. I love him when he comes out of the H&M dressing room sporting a scoop neck tee & skinny jeans...plus a brooding squint that'd land him a magazine spread. I love him when his eyes well up while talking about the Word. I love him when he eagerly opens our home to others and hosts with expertise. I love him when he whistles before, during, after, & between his daily tasks. I love him when he slumps in his seat after every meal - fancy or fast food - his stance is always the same. I love him even when he throws his hands up in angry antics while we're arguing. I love him when he records programs on TV that he'll know I want to watch. I love him when he fills our home with music from a freshly strung guitar. I love him when he wakes me up to cuddle 10 minutes before our alarm goes off. I love him when he uses his words to encourage, empower, & edify others. I love him when he preaches - when he grips his Bible & raises his voice with conviction, with truth, with anointing. I love him when he calls my mom "mom" & tells me to always honor her.  I love him when he half smirks & rolls his eyes at something I do that he doesn't want to admit he thinks is cute.  I love him when he sticks up for his family - always loyal & brave in the midst of their trials. I love him when he proofs my articles & gives me insightful feedback. I love him when he offers me his t-shirts. I love him when he makes quick 7-11 runs for blue bell ice cream. I love him when he sends me cheeky emails at work. I love him when he mows our lawn on hot summer days - without a single complaint...and without a shirt. I love him when he reaches for my hand & prays powerful prayers over us & our families. I love him when he huffs and puffs at the TV screen during football games. I love him when he takes center stage & the microphone. I love him when we sit down for meals at our not-yet-painted table - a place of safety, sharing, conversation, & closeness. I love him when he supports my dreams, adopting them as his own even when I am afraid. I love him when I see him lead so well - so gifted, so full of wisdom, so honorable & virtuous.