about time and about life

I realize that I've nearly completely neglected this beautiful little piece of me. I've missed blogging, but also been busy living...so I guess it's okay?

I'm in a season of stretching & trusting. I'm being pushed out of so many comfort zones (necessary!) and also trying my hardest to look to Jesus when things get sketchy & uncertain (also necessary). It's a funny thing -- trust. You worry about so many things in life and often the thing that creeps up on you to threaten your joy & peace is the last thing you ever thought to stress about.

I watched the movie About Time recently. It's full of british humor, face-palm time traveling escapades, and Rachel McAdams (whom I love soooo much). But it also provides some pretty good life advice that kinda stuck with me and even had me grabbing it a second time at redbox.

Like this quote about worrying:

"There's a song by Baz Luhrmann called Sunscreen. He says worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind."

Or this one about life in general and knowing when to stop stressing and start living:

"And in the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: the truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live everyday as if I've deliberately come back to this one day - to enjoy it - as it if was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

So my life may be ordinary. I may work a crazy schedule and have a huge family and be way too obsessed with quality time to actually accomplish tasks (or blog for that matter). I may be going through some health issues and growing into new roles and trying to figure out the future (futile endeavor). But hey! I am loved by Jesus, my husband, and my family. And sometimes when you're finding a new rhythm you see those types of things more clearly: like when your people bring you coffee, drop off Zoe's Kitchen for dinner, text encouragement, and give you the best hugs when you need them. And in all of it, I am reminded that this life really isn't about me at all. It's about whose name I carry. It's about showing people Jesus -- reaching out, showing up, being there. It's about making Jesus known and spreading his GOOD news to everyone I encounter. So really? I am living the extraordinary life. A life of ministry. A life of hope. A life of purpose. A life that's evolving, constantly taking new shape, and for that I am thankful because who likes to stay the same?

(Now who can help me with time management so that I have clean clothes to wear, painted walls in my house, friends who feel poured into, and me time to decompress?!)

spring, why couldn't you stay?

(forgot to post this...)

Our AC broke last weekend. It was 89 degrees in our little home...pretty miserable for us snow-loving people. We gathered portable fans and lugged them around to whichever room we were occupying. We ate ice cream and stayed as stationary as possible -- on the couch watching gilmore girls. We I complained and whined and tried to crawl into the refrigerator. We made watermelon smoothies and opened all the windows. We fell asleep to the swoosh of cars passing by every 10-15 seconds and kicked each other if we got too close in bed. It was an adventure. One that we begged Nelson's Heating & Air to rescue us from -- to which they did so, kindly.

It was spring when we moved in last year...so in a way, everything has come full circle. We have officially lived at the rothwell square for every season! And there is a small sense of accomplishment in that. The evening light and fast growing grass and warm weather remind me of our first memories here - when it was empty and bare and new. We had a fully stocked kitchen from all our wedding & shower gifts, but zero furniture. Okay...we had two nightstands and three barstools.

It's easy to look around now with a check-list view. And while I admit to having a "next priority" wish list with a budget and pin board, springtime days remind me of our humble beginnings. And the way we've smiled and laughed despite being the poor married couple putting cash in a jar to save up for a bed frame so we can stop sleeping half a foot off the floor.

It's home. It's what we've made. It's the place I love. The place where I exhale after a long day of work. The place where I can sit on counters and blast music I like. It's going to be that for me whether or not we ever buy another throw pillow for my collection. And the most fulfilling part is the joy of filling it with the non-tangibles: good dinners on the grill, songs in the mornings, loads of coffee and devotionals, ben always rushing me out the door, changing the mood with a dimmer switch, turning in early because a storm starts and it's nice to fall asleep to rain and thunder. You know, those things that make your heart sigh and completely blind you to the cans of paint waiting to go on the walls.

I like having space to fill. I like making room for more. I'll keep doing both.

 

"Ideals"

Courage to face tomorrow,
Love that is clean and pure,
Faith that clings to simple things,
Hope that is strong and sure;
Strength when the storm clouds gather,
A heart that will soon forgive...
This is the gold your heart will hold,
These are the things that live!

Oh, for a spot that slumbers
Warm in the evening sun;
Oh, for a gate where dear ones wait
After the race is run;
Oh, for a peace-filled garden
With roots in the good brown loam...
Behind each hill they call me still,
The sun-splashed walls of home!

Songs you sang in twilight,
The warm sweet smell of the land,
A love-filled face by the fireplace,
The touch of a loving hand;
A kiss from the lips of someone
That no other lips can give....
This is the gold your heart will hold,
These are the things that live!

-- Carey Holbrook

25 things I want my niece to know:

Three years ago, my sister gave me one of my biggest joys when she announced to us that she & Drew were going to have a baby GIRL. I remember squealing, jumping, jumbling out my words, and grabbing at my sisters who unabashedly mirrored my antics. It had been boy world for so long in the Morrow reproduction realm. Four males in a row and finally we had our girl -- our leading lady for all our tea parties & make believe.

And our sweet Hallie-girl, as we affectionately call her, did not disappoint. 

She is the whole package. Spunky. Mischievous. Giggly. Loud. Loving. Cuddly. Confident. Independent.

She's currently visiting from Houston and everything in me wishes I could somehow capture all our exchanges on a recording device for excessive playback later...over and over again like the videos her mommy sends me of her singing Frozen. She makes me simultaneously laugh & cry when she walks into the kitchen unprompted and says, "um, aunt dedi? I wove you. I do. I wove you" in her high-pitched, curious, questioning tone.

I don't want the world to change her. I don't want the world to make her doubt her personality, her purpose, her possibilities. My wish for her on her third birthday is that she becomes a woman who chases after the light of her Savior until that light flows out of her once-blue-now-gray eyes.

So, my sweet Hallie-girl, this is what I want you to know one day when you're older. These are the things that people won't say are important. But they are.

1. There will always be someone older than you and there will always be someone younger than you. You are both a leader and a follower. Invest in others and invite others to invest in you. Find someone to mentor you and never count yourself too young to mentor someone else. But be valuable to them. Give them someone good to look up to.

2. Shoes and handbags will always fit. So splurge and buy really good ones.

3. Don't be afraid to say "no." It's a word that gives you power and -- despite what people may tell you -- you are allowed to use it. Protect what you love and what you know is right, and don't let pressure cause you to compromise. Say no to hindrances, self-doubt, society, boyfriends, friends, bosses, and even the pushy saleswomen at department stores.

4. Be a warrior, but also know it's totally okay to be a mess sometimes. Fight with all you've got, stand firm with confidence, but never deny yourself a good cry. Life is fluid. You don't always have to have it all together.

5. When it comes to other women: collaborate don't compete. We can accomplish so much more together and competing will only lead to discontentment. Sure, there will be women who try to break your spirit, but choose to hold your head high anyway. And only make friends with those who push you toward your goals rather than pull you down.

6. Your mom is your greatest secret weapon. Tap into her. Ask her your questions. Never shut her out. She will one day be your very best friend and will always, always, always be cheering you on.

7. If in doubt, do the red lipstick thing. Nothing classic goes out of style.

8. You're worth more than trying to convince a boy you're worth it. A friend said this to me and I'll never forget it. Don't beg him to stay, sweet darling. Just be the best YOU you can be and love yourself even when he doesn't.

9. You don't need to be graceful, but you should always be filled with grace. We won't care if you're clumsy on your feet, but we will care if you're clumsy with people. Exercise grace no matter how many reasons you have not to.

10. Your dignity is just that -- yours. No one can take it from you. Carry it proudly because it comes from within -- not from someone else.

11. Chase moments instead of material. Find joy in the simple things and the people with whom you share them. 

12. In your heart you will plan your steps, but the Lord determines your path. Be diligent in preparation. Don't be lazy when it comes to your future. Make your plans and map your goals, but always trust the author of life with your story. God's ways are always better than anything we can dream up ourselves.

13. Do your best with your skill set, but focus on your mindset. It's all about your attitude! It will take you further than any fascinating gifts or talents.

14. Love God, love people. Know your Savior, read his word, talk to him as a friend. And when it comes to people - be a good friend, hold their hands and hug their hearts.

15. Read all of Jane Austen. The countless movie adaption options make for the best girls' nights.

16. Handwritten notes are one of the kindest things you can do. It says to people "I thought of you. You have worth. You matter. I'm using my resources on you."

18. Do the right thing even when people aren't looking. And even when it's the hard thing.

19. Never fall in love with a man who thinks he's too cool for Lord of the Rings. That means he's not cool. And trust me, your parents will never, ever approve. (I mean, what else will you quote at family functions?)

20. Use proper grammar. Text lingo is really annoying.

21. Be a traveler, not a tourist. Meander. Wander. Take your time. Your map is not something to be followed but an opportunity to diverge. Get lost.

22. Make your life about more than yourself.  Let your heart break for the injustice in the world. Give generously to noble causes. Use your voice to help the helpless. Never be fooled that everything is okay just because you're okay. Live to love others.

23. Being smart is better than being pretty. Books are your best friends. Make-up is not.

24. It is actually okay to measure a boy against the greatness of your dad...and to rule him out if he doesn't make the cut. Your daddy loves you for the princess that you are. He sets the standard for how a boy should treat you. Never settle for anything less. Don't even give someone the time of day until he makes you feel just as honored, cherished, valued, and respected as your dad has done day in and day out.

25. Write something everyday. Scribble thoughts, jot down ideas, record funny conversations - be committed to self-expression. And never rip out the embarrassing pages from your journal...they'll make for a great laugh and lesson learned when you revisit them later in life.

pink pjs and sideways sleeping...this is our hallie-girl

morning cuddles with "uncle bin"

#bennybdaymania

Last week, we celebrated the birthday boy.

Here at the rothwell square, we commit to filling all seven+ days of the week with birthday-ness. Since it's only the two of us, we find it's way more fun to spread out the festivities & make them last longer! Yes...we're kids at heart.

But this year, life events demanded Ben's birthday week be a total "grown up" week filled with grown up responsibilities -- welcoming all his college students back on site, starting his master's degree, hosting Southeastern University execs from Florida, and last but not least, preaching up a STORM at all of CrossWalk's weekend services. 

Despite it being a wild, whirlwind week, I refused to let it pass without acknowledging the reasons I love the birthday boy! (it's my job as a wife, you know...) So while he's busy writing sermons, reading a tower of textbooks, planning meetings, and editing university handbooks, I'll cuddle up on our couch with my iced coffee sub pumpkin spice and write about this high-performing-task-oriented-overachieving-always-leading husband of mine. 

taken by my sweet sister-in-law

(since I'll never adequately put the amount of my love into words, I'll attempt to put the moments I love into words. After all, it's the beautiful togetherness we share that makes up our love...am I right?!)

I love him during the quiet moments at the rothwell square. I love him when we have taylor swift blaring, and the kitchen is a wreck, but we're having a dance party. I love him when we're driving around town - off to do something he doesn't necessarily want to do, but he's doing for me. I love him when we walk hand-in-hand at the farmers' market. I love him when we sit next to each other at work meetings, both getting passionate about the same thing, simultaneously. I love him (enough to melt) when I catch his stare from across the room & he sends me a quick wink. I love him when he wears his boxers around the house. I love him when I groggily awake to dishes clanging in the kitchen & I know he's making us breakfast. I love him when he comes out of the H&M dressing room sporting a scoop neck tee & skinny jeans...plus a brooding squint that'd land him a magazine spread. I love him when his eyes well up while talking about the Word. I love him when he eagerly opens our home to others and hosts with expertise. I love him when he whistles before, during, after, & between his daily tasks. I love him when he slumps in his seat after every meal - fancy or fast food - his stance is always the same. I love him even when he throws his hands up in angry antics while we're arguing. I love him when he records programs on TV that he'll know I want to watch. I love him when he fills our home with music from a freshly strung guitar. I love him when he wakes me up to cuddle 10 minutes before our alarm goes off. I love him when he uses his words to encourage, empower, & edify others. I love him when he preaches - when he grips his Bible & raises his voice with conviction, with truth, with anointing. I love him when he calls my mom "mom" & tells me to always honor her.  I love him when he half smirks & rolls his eyes at something I do that he doesn't want to admit he thinks is cute.  I love him when he sticks up for his family - always loyal & brave in the midst of their trials. I love him when he proofs my articles & gives me insightful feedback. I love him when he offers me his t-shirts. I love him when he makes quick 7-11 runs for blue bell ice cream. I love him when he sends me cheeky emails at work. I love him when he mows our lawn on hot summer days - without a single complaint...and without a shirt. I love him when he reaches for my hand & prays powerful prayers over us & our families. I love him when he huffs and puffs at the TV screen during football games. I love him when he takes center stage & the microphone. I love him when we sit down for meals at our not-yet-painted table - a place of safety, sharing, conversation, & closeness. I love him when he supports my dreams, adopting them as his own even when I am afraid. I love him when I see him lead so well - so gifted, so full of wisdom, so honorable & virtuous. 

effort even when empty

Recently, I stumbled across a journal entry I wrote at the end of last year about my itch to write again:

I remember my last week of of undergrad well: wrapping up a couple internships, planning graduation activities, applying relentlessly for jobs, working at the Writing Center, checking things off my college bucket-list, saying goodbye to friends, and finally, finishing my classes, which meant writing my final term paper for my English degree. I so distinctly remember thinking, "yes, I want this paper to disappear, but this is the last academic paper I will write, so at the same time, I kinda want to cherish it." Now I almost wish for that time back. I so miss writing. I yearn & ache to create something with words. I feel so empty sometimes - like I'm not fulfilling my purpose. Like I'm wasting my passion. Like it's disappearing or I'm losing it. I'm afraid if I don't start again, I won't be good at it anymore.

When the clock struck 2014 on January 1st, I decided this would be the year to charge forward in the direction of my dreams. No longer would I shrink away from change, but instead I committed to charge - lunge - and race toward it. That has been my mantra, my prayer.

So I will keep going. Keep writing. Keep using what's in my hands, what's in my heart. Here on my blog. Elsewhere. Anywhere.

What are you putting off today? I encourage you to take a chance today, friends. Don't keep waiting. Don't keep questioning. Just MOVE. Press that "submit" button even if you're scared. Reach out to that person even at the risk of rejection. Write that business plan even though you're too busy. Choose forgiveness even if you're fractured or frayed. Make an effort even if you feel empty. Go for it! Don't run from it!

And don't do it on your own strength - hold fast to the source of your help. Cling to the Lord for confidence & calm. He has ABUNDANT blessings in store for you. 

you will go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE

Isaiah 55:12

welcome home!

Right now I'm sitting in my newly built (still unstained) breakfast nook while my husband is painting "gentle rain" gray onto our walls.

It's the weekend. We have imagine dragons turned up loudly. I have a homemade mocha sitting next to me in my "everyday white" teacup.

There are pink peonies in a vase where I can readily see them from nearly anywhere in the house. They're so pretty I'm tempted to match their shade to a paint color & designate an accent wall.

I'm wearing jean shorts & one of ben's t-shirts because my summer clothes are still boxed up. I'm comfortable, but definitely not trendy. We'll work on that one later, though.

So this house! It's ours. And we love it. Uneven floors & all.

We're slowly transforming it from a refurbished structure into a home...a home that best represents us & our life together. The home we talked & argued & pinned about. The home we believed God would provide so graciously.

We've named it the rothwell square as its dimensions are that of a perfect square! Yeah, we're really creative.

First thing we did when we moved in was set up our coffee station. This included the: grinder, brewer/pot, keurig, k-cup drawer, & "today's roast" container. This was an important step toward our happiness & civility.

Next I had my mom come over & help me organize my kitchen (she's had 27 years of kitchens so she is a pro). Then I made baked goods. Which I've never been good at. But my new kitchen is so lovely that I couldn't help myself! We even bought a stand mixer -- on a whim. And ben keeps begging for muffins, scones, cookies, breads, & poundcake.

It got dark before we knew it & we suddenly realized how hungry we were. We couldn't tear ourselves away so we ordered chinese take-out. Without chairs, we sat cross-legged on the floor. Between slurping lo-mein noodles and piling fried rice onto chopsticks, we dreamt of everything this place would become. While our voices echoed across the hardwood floors.

It's been fun to settle in & inconspicuously figure out how to be a homeowner. Which has meant doing trivial things like researching the most affordable trash company, bribing my brother to mow our lawn with chick-fil-a combos, spending hours poking around home depot, & hosting the plumber with strawberry lemonade while he makes our toilets flush.

The story of our rothwell square is in the beginning stages, but we are are confident it will always be one of faithful love that conquers whatever threatens to come against it. We'll fill it up with reckless laughter, local produce, good people, God-given grace, vintage everything, favorite photos, natural lighting, & eventually....mini rothwells!

It's just our little place. And I want to be here all the time. Just my heart & his.

wedding music!

I've had a lot of people ask me about the songs on our love songs CD favor, which I've recently pulled out & started listening to once again. It's making me happy & full of so much peace.

I've listed the tracks & artists below (with links! so you can check them out). These are songs that have defined specific moments of our relationship, songs that move us, make us love each other more fiercely, and even remind us of ourselves.

Enjoy!

1. Soldier - Gavin Degraw
a fun groove that proclaims how a man protects & provides for his girl
2. On a Night Like This - Dave Barnes
I've loved this song since high school & it has never gotten old
3. Mary's Song - Taylor Swift
the song that most perfectly describes the rothwell romance: I was seven & he was nine...
4. Carry You Home - Nashville Skyline
perfect for the cold winter months - I played it so much after I got engaged on Christmas Eve
"in december, I remember, we smiled for awhile"
5. Elements - Moses Mayfield
the first song ben ever sang to me
6. Turning Page - Sleeping at Last
night driving & ben wearing a boyish grin while explaining he's found a song that he knows I'll love forever
"I surrender who I've been for who you are; nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart"
7. I Believe in You - Tyler Hilton
we like this one better as a duet, so...we make that change ourselves
"baby, that's all I need, someone like you burning through me" 
8. The Lucky One - Jess Penner
love the innocence in her voice & the magic in her word painting
9. True Like Your Name - Steve Moakler
we fell in love with his entire album & played it repeatedly after seeing him live while on a road trip
"stay beside me, let me be your thrill"
10. Hazy - Rosi Golan feat. William Fitzsimmons
simplicity, purity, security
"without you, things go hazy"
11. Only Hope - Switchfoot
my heart & soul is in this song
12. Slow Your Breath Down - Future of Forestry
a reminder to let go, trust, & be confident in your love
"you're not alone, you're now a part of me"
13. Nothing Left to Lose - Needtobreathe
I knew that marriage wouldn't be a fairytale, but everyday - with the strength of Jesus Christ - we have the opportunity to honor one another
"in your hand you hold the pen, what's your answer for the end?"
14. Ulysses - Josh Garrels
this song was done live in our ceremony by my dearest friends - it's so close to us & so significant to the way we came to be together
15. The Sun and The Moon - Mae
"and when you say forever, can't you see: you've already captured me"


HONORABLE MENTIONS:

On Top of The World - Matthew Perryman Jones
our processional 
(ben & I decided on this song while star gazing on my family's trampoline)

Since You Said I Do - Dave Barnes
our recessional 
(I wanted to capture the fun we have together - this does it!)

Your Love is Strong - Jon Foreman
ceremony
(a reminder that GOD'S love is what binds us together where NO ONE can separate!)

Anne's Theme - Hagood Hardy
our vows
(from my most favorite, ever romantic, and always cherished book & movie: Anne of Green Gables)

Song for My Bride (working title) - Ben Rothwell
ceremony
(he penned & performed this for me - as a complete surprise)

Until You (acoustic version) - Dave Barnes
our first dance 
(knew from the first moment I heard this "remix" that this would be in my wedding...THE MOST lovely piano)

Already Home - Ha-Ash feat. Brandi Carlisle
father/daughter dance
(I cried a lot listening to this...)

Never Grow Up - Taylor Swift
mother/son dance 
(ben's choice - it adequately described his childhood & fittingly, his siblings performed it)


HUGE thanks to the beautiful people who performed music during our wedding:

Craig Sullivan
Catherine DuVal
Brianna Morrow
Mary Smoot
Adam Rothwell
McKenzie Morrow

an ode to the treehouse

(forgot to post this....oops!)

Right now, I'm laying on the couch sprawled across a sleeping Ben. The blinds are pulled up all the way. Gusts of snow whiz past the windows. The white flakes fall from a dark gray sky, dusting the deck like powdered sugar on a cake. We're covered in our NFL fleece blankets -- Ben with the burgundy and yellow of redskins, me with the navy and gray of cowboys. The way it always is. The way it will always be. It must have been the soft lull of the heaters that sent Ben into a doze. They're stationed on the floor next to me and croon quietly, whispering warmth into the A-frame treehouse that we've called home for nearly 8 months. I glance around, silently totaling up the memories.

Its outward appearance isn't much. Cramped. Outdated. No dishwasher or central air. A single closet tucked into the wall where hangers overlap each other on the rod. The clothes stuffed in so tightly they begin to peak out and prevent the door from closing shut. Slanted ceilings. Narrow kitchen. Stained glass. A lavender quilt on the bed. Cozy velvety couch. French doors. Lace tablecloth. Smell of a log cabin. Gazebo in the yard. Steps slippery from ice. Ruts in the dirt driveway from car wheels.   I think it's important to remember the details. The details surrounding us...they mark the setting of precious scenes. Scenes from our newlywed life: The Treehouse edition.

Scenes.

Like right now. The house is cluttered. Ben hates it this way. I should get up and do something. Fold the heap of laundry. Clean the dishes from lunch.…start packing. But instead I sit, adjust the blanket to cover my toes, shift my weight which causes Ben to stir, and sip my coffee that's no longer hot. There is a bouquet of vibrant flowers in a vase nearby. Tulips. Carnations. Daisies. A reminder that spring is threatening the blister of cold with change and new life.

Seasons. 

Our season at the treehouse is coming to a close. We bid it goodbye with warm wishes and thankfulness for its role in our story. We will forever love it. And one day, we may even miss it.

  

travel bucket-list: update #3

PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

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Where? North, north, north. A small island in Canada. Near my home island, Newfoundland.
Why? It's the setting of my absolute favorite book/movie. It's the dreamy home of a fictional character whose spunk, imagination, and luster for life helped rear me from childhood into adulthood. Red-headed Anne Shirley captivated my heart once upon a time and settled there, reminding me to lift my chin, to write even when I have nothing to say, to be wild and untamed, and to hold out for my own Gilbert Blythe. I want to see the places that inspired her. Green Gables. White Way Delight. Lake of Shining Waters. The Haunted Woods. I want to stand on the sand dunes and feel the wind whip through my hair. Drink Raspberry Cordial in the warmth of the afternoon. Spread a blanket out on rolling pastures and burry my head in a book. Stand along the shore and peer out at the horizon while counting my blessings. I find a certain solace in that girl with the straw hat and strong will. I trust her. I think it's okay to trust a girl with a freckled face and unwavering belief in kindred spirits…don't you? I think it's okay to dream of stealing away to a place tucked away in the corner of a continent; a place put on the map by an author who saw a story and told it brilliantly and beautifully.

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