his love letter to me

My dad is the best man I know. He has always, always done right by my mom, and he has always, always done right by us. To me, that in itself shows more substantial character than pretty much anything else. And although he may be the best daddy in the world, he has still taught us that there is one better still: our heavenly father. Today mark morrow did what he always does on a sunday morning: he passionately spoke to his church. He talked about why God allows suffering and how God wants to see us use our hurt and pain to make us better, not bitter. I've been reading The Father's Love Letter and learning more about the character of God and his own perspective of me, his child. I have learned that while yes, people suffer and yes, I suffer, God has claimed himself the father who comforts me throughout all my troubles.

"God wants to pick you up, give you a hug and whisper your name in your ear. You are His child and He is your father. This is your destiny; this is what you were created for. When you let Him love you in this way, as a father loves his little child, you will begin to realize that the need for love and affirmation you had as a little child is still deep within you. When you allow yourself to be embraced by God, you begin to see that this is what you've been looking for all your life. You may have searched for it in your career, in a relationship, or in many other things, but you will find it only in one place - in the arms of your heavenly Father."

Lord, I pray that you would give me the grace to become more childlike. I want to lose myself in your unfailing love. Help me to walk in the simplicity of faith that allows me to trust you wholeheartedly for all my needs.

"God is the Father of compassion and of all comfort. When you need comfort most, he is faithful to be by your side through all your pain and disappointment. He weeps with you, and his heart breaks with yours. Your heavenly Father wants to hold your hand as you walk through the seasons in your life. You were never meant to shoulder these burdens on your own. God wants to comfort you with his tender love."

Lord, please heal, restore, and give favor. Thank you for staying true to all your promises -- promises to remain faithful, to hold me, to comfort me, and to love me. And the promise that you are my father. And I am your child.

I love you.

-d

"all that I'm after is a life full of laughter - as long as I'm laughin' with you"

Last weekend me and b.rothwell packed up and went driving. Our first stop was baltimore, maryland where we navigated (via ben's droid phone) to a tiny, quaint bar/venue for a miraculous dave barnes show. After sitting on bar stools and soaking in the musical goodness for three hours (and then meeting him!) we then continued our journey to pheonixville, pennsylvania for ben's best friend's college graduation.

here are some of my most favorite parts:

1. our competition.

2. our 'road trip' playlist...with all the good stuff.

3. all our pee stops where ben would visit the bathroom and I would wait in the car. (maybe I should be concerned that I don't pee enough?)

4. being thrifty by packing homemade sub sandwiches for the drive.

5. "I Have And Always Will" on the acoustic guitar embraced by the crowd's absolute stillness. Even the asians behind us stopped jabbering over their drinks long enough to witness the beauty, emotion, and delivery of this song.

6. Dave's obvious passion as he used about 10 minutes of his set to talk about the mocha club.

7. Steve moak's cover of miley cyrus mixed with don mclean.

8. Ben's constant attempts at earning "sweetie" stars...and his unwillingness to relinquish any stars to his poor girlfriend. Even when I begged, he would shrug and say, 'it's competition, baby'....a true testament to our relationship.

9. visiting "love park" in Philadelphia.

10. having ben wake me up each morning.

11. bringing books, magazines, etc. to pass the time in the car, but instead being content just to put the seat back, listen to music, and hold my boyfriend's hand.

12. chipotle pitstop, causing the GPS to redirect us using the scenic route. (only good things come from eating chipotle).

13. my new floral sundress and white coat -- compliments of the boyfriend.

14. antique jewelry shopping in the cute little downtown area.

15. learning an intense (yet entertaining/addicting) card game...and beating ben. :)

everything is beautiful

cotton fields,

the open road

the radio plays a song

we both know we don't sing along

- dave barnes

A few words on words

I spent today putting together a "quote book" for Talitha Adele's 21st birthday. I integrated and incorporated several (and I mean several) of my collected quotations. Excerpts from literature, lyrics from songs, bible verses, statements from musicians, philosophers, authors, my favorite tv show. It could be endless.

As I sat there flipping through the pages, I understood the purpose for this compilation. I realized the enormity of the mere words. I realized the impact in which they are capable. These chosen words...these words are for the loved, the unloved, the broken, the faithful, the faithless, the stumblers, the seekers, the hopeful, and the hopeless, the weak, the strong, the beautiful and the believers.

If these words could but touch the soul of someone who fits one of those descriptions (and truthfully we all have at some point), then these words have succeeded.

Words matter.

-d

"a happy family is but an earlier heaven"

It began with make-your-own-burritos for dinner, four 2-liter bottles of soda (only because it was a special occasion), everyone around the big table, and way too much conversation to follow.

Next it's rock 'n roll blaring and 7 Morrow kids dancing. After dinner, mom goes to clean up and Nicholas (the DJ) starts the music. Alexander immediately whips out the electric air guitar and with that, the dance-a-thon is inevitable. B and I get Anderson (2 years old) involved with head banging and spinning in circles. With a grin plastered across his adorable chunky cheeks, he dances nonstop for 20 minutes. In baby code, this is a long, long time.

We decide to go get ice cream. But within the time it takes for us to get out the door and loaded into the van, all the ice cream places have closed. Instead we opt for the grocery store where we buy the ice cream, waffle cones, and sundae toppings. We set it all up along the counter and it's buffet style -- all you can eat. We realize it truly is much better that way.

After the parents and the children 10 & under go to bed, we pick a movie (which is always an ordeal). Thankfully, my brothers can appreciate a good chick flick -- in fact, they love them. The girls multi-task and do manicures at the table, while Landon and Nicholas watch Zac Efron.

Yes, it was family night at the Morrow house tonight.

ps. we miss you, Taylor.

worship: reverent love and devotion

"...that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."

- Psalms 30:12

Worship is my passion. Worship is my calling. Worship is what God desires from me and is, amazingly, something that I am capable of giving to Him.

As I was contemplating this today, I realized a few things:

Music is much, much more than what I have always believed it to be. Music is not just the sounds that delve deep into our souls, that strike a chord within us and make us believe in something. Its purpose is more than just leaving you speechless from a 3 minute song that figuratively washes over your body, soaking it with magic and hope. Music should never be confined to our stereos or ipods. And it should never, ever be confined to the feelings we get from listening to a mixture of instruments. The point is: music is not meant to solely be received from talented bands or known names. Music can - and should - be given back to God. He is the maker of music. He is the one who gave us music. If he is the designer, don't you think he longs to hear your creations?

My boyfriend has mastered this. He writes such beautiful songs -- songs from the deepest parts of his heart, songs that he dedicates entirely to his Lord. I sometimes wonder where his lyrics come from. I wonder how he conjures up those perfectly poetic lines that allow his music to remain personal while still proving relevant. I recently told him how much I love his words...but more than that, I love how he uses his words. He is so careful and meticulous and precise with the words he chooses as praise to God. It's so evident that Ben strives to present the most worthy and pure worship. My heart swells and oozes with happiness because I have found a man who lives for the full purpose of music. He expresses his love and passion through worship, through music, through song, through words sung unto God. I love the words he gives Jesus. They are precious and humble.

Today, I am thankful for the reminder that worship is our reason for existing.

"hearing the music is like someone calling out to me...making music is like I'm calling out back...to the one who gave me the music" - August Rush

- d

"once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary"

I recently had a conversation with God. Well, actually, it was pretty one-sided. I made him listen as I vented about my biggest fear: being average. Alone in my room, somewhere around 1 am, probably some really good music playing, it went something like this:

Dear God, I want to be someone to somebody. I want to make a difference. I want to be remembered. I want to accomplish something great. I want to make my mark on this world, to better it, to contribute to it. I want to live a full life -- with big and small moments. And I want a way to remember it all. I want to stop forlornly gazing at my dreams stored away on a dusty shelf. I want them active, alive. I want a story to tell; I want people to read my story; I want it to be worth reading. I want to give of myself and to somehow help others, even while I don't have much to offer. I want a pure heart and a sound mind. I want to create; I want to empower; I want to inspire; I want to explore. And I want to know that it all mattered.

Yes, I was frustrated, and I was anxious. I needed to be put back in my place. Thank you, Edgar Allan Poe.

Edgar Allan Poe - brilliant poet, brilliant mind, brilliant literature. But Poe was an orphan...poor and aimless...a gambler, estranged from his foster father, in debt, lived off one short story to the next - and spent nearly all that money on alcohol. He died alone and was buried in an unmarked grave. His tragic and nomadic life seemed to have been lived in vain. His accomplishments were unappreciated and his talent was essentially disregarded. Considering his circumstances, could he have imagined his potential? His impact? His ability? His influence? How could he have ever known that he would become one of America's most beloved and fascinating writers? How could he have known, as he drowned his hopelessness in whiskey, that his stories would become classics, that he would be read in schools, and that critics would dissect and marvel over his written words? Despite his life of heartbreak and useless attempts at "big breaks," he eventually made it to his dream, he made a difference, he transformed literature...even if he wasn't able to witness it within his lifetime.

He lived. He died. And, somehow, he managed to leave a legacy.

I want the same thing.

I am 20 years old.

I don't need to change the world yet, I just need to live in it.

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night" - Poe

"you've got me laughing while I sing, you've got me smiling in my sleep"

My boyfriend and I live 30 miles from each other. Okay, not that big of a deal, but we also have very busy, very different schedules. Him with his internship, bar-tending, and college classes. Me with the daycare, my three black children, and completing my associate's degree. Needless to say, we don't always get as much time together as we'd like.

Throughout the days apart we play this game of sorts where we'll text something crazy/random/endearing/hilarious that makes us think of each other.

"I am thinking of you because: (fill in the blank)."

It's a very fun and amusing game. You never know what you'll get; you never know when you'll make an average, mediocre moment something more for him. And honestly, I don't think you can ever quite understand how you do it. It's beautiful, really.

Ben, I am thinking of you because: you just took my last four ibuprofen tablets -- now when I get a headache, I'm screwed.

...Get well, babe.

-d

papaya problem

It all started with a little shopping trip to the outlet mall with the boyfriend.

However, I first need to give some background information in order to help one better understand the basis for my unfortunate dilemma:

I love love.

Its vastness overwhelms me, its ambiguity intrigues me, its simplicity delights me, and its devotion astonishes me.

Bertrand Russell said "love and knowledge led upwards to heaven"

Nate Cole said "if you need love, take the time and be love"

James Morrison said "love is hard, if it was easy, it would mean nothing"

Haley James Scott said "the only thing wrong with love and faith and belief...is not having it"

Moulin Rouge said "love is like oxygen, love lifts us up where we belong"

Lee McDerment said "it's the battle you fight and the song you sing"

The Beatles said "all you need is love"

Sleeping At Last said "we are made of love and every fracture caused by the lack of love"

Therefore, I believe that:

a) love, in its right form -- selfless and everlasting -- can change the world.

b) love can perfect us, mold us, change us, mend us, teach us, liberate us.

c) without it, we are broken, fractured, and lost.

With that being said I'm sure you have concluded, and rightfully so, that I'm kind of borderline obsessed with this word. And you should be borderline concerned. My bags, my books, my music, my decor -- anything love, I have to get my hands on it. Even my jewelry. Especially my jewelry.

I recently bought a pair of earrings. Now, I really (you guessed it) loved these earrings. Papaya. 50% off sale. How could I not snatch them? I feel as though the oversized hearts successively reflect my adoration for love...right?

I bring them home and instantly show/consult my fellow fashion specialists (sisters) and they proceed to tell me that these particular earrings remind them of a staple accessory popularly worn by girls of a different race. Now, do not misunderstand, I have no problem with this conclusion other than the fact that I wanted these earrings to say "destiny morrow loves love"....do they? could they? can they?

turning over a new leaf

...or whatever the phrase equivalent to "change" may be.

Sometimes I find myself simply living -- forgetting the value of some essentials, or at least some things that will no doubt benefit my contentment. I did a little "soul searching" if you will, and came up with a hefty list.

I will:

- invest in good make-up and wear it

- dress up more frequently

- be a better sister

- be a better daughter

- fight for (and on behalf of) my friends

- take advantage of my gym membership

- do something with my hair each day; try creativity

- read a proverb a day

- stop feeling guilty for buying cute shoes

- be determined to find pairs in brilliant, flashy colors...and buy them too

- never allow Ben to go a day without knowing how I care for him; find ways to show him

- hang up my clothes immediately after I take them off

- strive to be a better role model

- spend quality time with each of my siblings

- send more letters; stay in touch with people who matter

- find time for leisure reading -- no matter how hectic my schedule may become

- stop procrastinating important things such as oil changes and laundry

- be more patient

- worship God with abandonment

- risk more

- be willing to serve others with a ready smile

- do things for my mom without her having to ask

- accept people as they are, even if they do not meet my standard of what it means to be a friend

- perhaps lower those standards...

- love love love love...and when all else fails, love some more

"Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are, and it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be" - L. Scott

-d

good music...always makes me cry.

"element" by moses mayfield.

"med sud I eyrum" by sigur ros.

"when a heart breaks" by dave barnes.

"anyway" by martina mcbride.

"to enjoy the effects of music fully, we must completely lose ourselves in it." - jean-philippe rameau