loved.

The action of loving is something, but to be loved - well, that's everything.

It's a feeling everyone desires; it's a longing to be noticed, regarded, wanted. It is a part of human nature and at the core of our souls.

Lately, I have contemplated what it would be like to be loved. I imagine it to be enchanting, mesmerizing, blissful. I think my head would swim and I would probably question it over and over again...loving the way it sounds as it's repeated to me. I want this. I pray for this.

But, as a 21 year-old hopeless romantic with hefty expectations for love, I must remember that the truest form of love is from the Lord. He alone demonstrates the selflessness and purity of that which is love itself. I am reminded of this whenever I picture human love...I am reminded that it will never measure up to the love that God has so freely given.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love...I have drawn you in with loving-kindness" - Jeremiah 31:3

I have LOVED you. Loved. Can you even imagine the magnitude of that concept? Isn't there something humbling about knowing you are LOVED by God? It's not just a verb; it's not just an action - it is actually a description of His relationship with us. It attaches us to Him. We are His. We are LOVED.

Just my thoughts of the night.

- d

simple pleasures are treasures

this list is lengthy -- and I believe that's a good thing.

- reading to children, seeing their eyes soak in the pictures while they point out the objects of recognition

- getting in the car and seeing at least five inspiration exchange cds from your best friend who sends them from across the country

- eating outside in the sunshine

- a really good worship song

- watching your sister be a mother

- a worn Bible

- Andrea Bocelli & Katharine McPhee belting the notes of "The Prayer" on blu-ray with surround sound

- the smile from 'that person' when you catch each others' eyes from across the room

- itunes giftcards

- seeing a thunder storm within the clouds up in an airplane and realizing just how small you are in this world

- listening to "ragdoll" by aerosmith with the windows down, sunglasses on, and the breeze putting tangles in your hair

- wasting time

- feeling your best friend's baby boy kick from within her round pregant belly

- seeing families in restaurants stop and pray before their meal

- spotting your first firefly of the summer

- shivering on the first brisk day of fall when the leaves are faintly yellow

- sitting down at the piano to practice fundamentals for two hours

- giving gifts and anticipating reactions

- realizing your potential

- praying, not for yourself, but for others

- using your imagination

- the feeling you get once you turn in a huge paper

- effortless harmony when singing with your sisters

- watching your brother throw his first touchdown pass - and knowing you'll see hundreds more

- seeing cars on the highway with "just married" signs...bliss

- a rainy day (when you're prepared for it)

- beautiful reunions with old high school friends

- reading a proverb a day

- toy story 3

- being canadian

- a word document that is 41 pages long...made up entirely of quotes

- when romo throws a touchdown

- creating something uniquely "you"

- singing silly little songs with your favorite toddler...embracing your inner child to make him laugh

- christmas movies

- elderly people who are happy

- cashing checks

- fresh highlights in your hair or a new hair cut

- songs in minor keys - ironically letting the sadness liven your heart

- good, timely hugs

- your nephew's little smiles that spread across his fat cheeks as you make silly faces over skype

- saying something funny...and actually making people laugh

- spending money at the movie theater on a movie that was totally worth it (popcorn doused in butter is a plus)

- getting mail

- when someone tells you he/she loves texas

- a heartfelt compliment

- chick-fil-a when you're craving it

- talking about faith with your friends

- a new pair of shoes

- discovering a new musician

- lengthy prayer time...the kind where you lose all concept of time because you're chatting away with Jesus

- making time for reading novels

- an early morning run

- loving people who forget you

- organizing your songs on itunes by playlists -- descriptive and mood oriented playlists -- pointless, but strangely self-fulfilling

- seeing your younger sisters become strong leaders

- sunshine at the perfect angle so you can see the distinct rays cutting across your vision

- the pretty names you save for your future children (I don't share them in fear of being made fun of/stolen from)

- grammar grammar grammar

- driving - for the music and the option to go really fast

- some good ole shakespeare when you're feeling romantic

- hearing your favorite song at a live concert

- road trips with your family

- staying up late at night and sleeping late into the morning

- eating a hotdog at a baseball game

- crunching leaves under your cozy boots on an October day

- finding a good sale on something you really, really wanted

- having people fully trust you with their children

- singing when no one is listening

beauty in life and most importantly, beauty within yourself, is found in the little things.

"the road is now a sudden sea"

I am sitting on my dorm bed – complete with bed risers so as to fit what seems as my entire world underneath. My bed lies horizontal against the window – which overlooks the beautiful brick McMurran Hall complete with enormous, elegant white pillars. It looks about the length of 3 football fields, although I’m sure I’m exaggerating this quite a bit. All my English classes meet there. I love that building.

I am listening to Dashboard Confessional…on headphones, of course. Oh, roommates. Rare are the opportunities to openly listen to music. So, with reluctance, I allow the music to be confined to my ears alone. Alle is sitting across the room absorbed in a book, completely unaware that I am blasting the “ohh ohh oh’s” of “Don’t Wait.” Outside, people roughly between 18-25 walk across the large green lawn that separates my residence hall, Potomac North, from the vast McMurran. You’ll see some on bikes, but most walk. I like to think about their stories as I look out my 3rd floor window. What classes they’re heading to, what food content fills their dining hall Styrofoam to-go containers, who lives on campus, who lives off, who’s from out of state, who’s from down the street, who’s homesick, who’s using college as an escape from home, who spends their weekends wasted, who spends their weekends studying. I have met so many different people here. People who are drastically different from me and people who are so similar that I’m floored with excitement and assurance about the next two years. I’ve always known diversity occurs among different cultures and countries, but it’s amazing the diversity I’ve experienced from fellow Virginians. Virginia seems to become so big when you're constantly meeting people from different towns – towns you’ve never visited or even heard about.

I have come to love these people. I love dreading a statistics group project the second week of the semester – only to end up being awake until 3 a.m. with Doritos, Dr. Pepper, frequency distributions, and 3 of the most hilarious and accepting girls ever. I love that beautiful girl who greets me with a hug, smiles as she talks, and gushes about things like faith and friendship. I love Christopher Newport University and finally feeling like I belong somewhere, that I fit somewhere. I love the quiet of the mornings, the challenging courses, the brisk walks across campus, the buffalo chicken wraps at the dining hall, the enormity of the library that swallows you as you study, the row of practice rooms in the Ferguson Center with sound proof walls and a lone piano...where the raw music is created, the writing classes where we dissect grammar for a full 50 minutes, the student pride and noise during the football games, hockey games, etc., the late night commotion, the freedom, the professors, the obsessive love between my hallmates, the continuous laughter with newfound best friends, the view from my window, and the homey feel of my new room.

- d

highlights from my 21st birthday:

- I sang with my choir in the marble rotunda of the trible library.

- I ate mexican food (aka soul food) at plaza azteca with brianna and ben.

- I went shopping at charlotte with my sis. :)

- I received 116 notifications on facebook.

- I video chatted with my sister, bro-in-law, and adorable nephew.

- I napped with my 2-year-old brother...there is nothing better than his smile when he wakes up finding I'm still in bed with him.

- I exercised my new right!

- I tried duck. I don't recommend it.

- I started up the Christmas music...beginning with "The First Noel" for obvious reasons. :)

- I received $45 worth of itunes giftcards....love.

- I drove with the windows rolled down...in 52 degree weather. duh.

- I learned that my brother will be starting for the VARSITY football game this friday.

- I dressed up and went to the Melting Pot with my beloved parents. Best meal ever.

- my two best friends threw me a surprise birthday party: tailgate style. complete with Ben Rothwell's original burgers with feta cheese.

- I sat around my living room singing worship songs with friends accompanied by an acoustic guitar.

- I had a sleepover with my beautiful hallmate, staying up until 6 am talking about friendships, faith, insecurities, and boys while eating easy mac and hot pockets.

This is going to be a beautiful year. Thank-you Jesus for all the blessings in my life.

little brother

just a saturday afternoon with anderson morrow:

Jon McLaughlin's LOVEly lyric

I was listening to this song today and truly empathized with the message:

I'm gonna throw my love around.



Love is frequently viewed as too hard, too messy, too pointless, too temporary, too painful, too costly, and too demanding. I have seen people battle these feelings; they have since lost their belief in love. Instead, they bury their ability to love, they cling tightly to imitations so as not to gamble with the real stuff, they seek fulfillment elsewhere. It is quite a shame. I am beginning to think that only the brave will encounter love. Only those willing to risk it all will find it all. Love takes courage.

But those with that courage, throw your love around. Let the world know you possess it. Do not be afraid. Love with courage. Love courageously.

- d

have hope in the world's music

Oh your love is a symphony

All around me, running through me

Oh your love is a melody

Underneath me, running to me

Oh your love is a song

Your love is a song

Today, while listening to the radio, I heard Jon Foreman explain the meaning behind the song quoted above. His inspiration came from the realization that the universe in all its vastness serves as a song that is written and performed by God. His commentary got me thinking about the characteristics of this unrivaled music. The song is intricate…profound…bold…deliberate...moving. The orchestration is held together by the composer; his expertise and devotion makes for no errors. The stars, the planets, the earth, the sun, the moon…they are all a part of the marvelous music that God holds together. WE are part of that music. It is within us, around us, above us, beneath us.

The song is the length of time itself. It began with the first ray of light and first sound of rushing water. God’s love for the world--for humanity birthed this melody called life. It envelopes everything in God’s heart and we inspire it.

Sometimes, in this song there is dissonance – pain, loss, brokenness, but you can still have hope knowing that the dissonance is just part of the composition and that the next chord is healing, freedom, and peace.

The conductor of this symphony knows which notes to place where – he has confidence in the timing and the rhythm and the pace. He knows which measures should be empowering and stirring – resembling an anthem. And then he knows which sections need serenity and sadness – reflecting solemn grief.

Always remember: the song is already completed, and it is a flawless piece of art. His love, his world, his universe makes up the entire symphony that works together to form the tapestry of life.

- D

PS. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Jon Foreman?!

"a woman's answer to a man's question"

by lena lathrop

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the hand above--
A woman's heart, and a woman's life
And a woman's wonderful love?

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy,
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy?

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Man-like you have questioned me;
Now stand at the bar of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart to be true as God's stars,
And as pure as heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef;
I require a far better thing.
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts;
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did the first
And say, "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose will fade
From my soft, young cheek one day,
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mid the bloom of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give all this, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot do this -- a laundress and cook
You can hire, with little to pay,
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman..." --1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

ladies, DO NOT GIVE UP.

believe in the man that will hold your heart close to his - treasuring it, learning it, guarding it, nurturing it.

believe.

matilda

Sometimes I listen to a specific song I'm craving, sometimes I listen to an artist or band that intrigues me, sometimes I listen to full albums, sometimes I listen to playlists, sometimes I listen to music that matches my mood, and sometimes I skip the preliminaries and just hit "shuffle."

yesterday was one such day.

As I drove down the I75 through Illinois, I had my family in tow, some pringles at my fingertips, head phones in tact, and music going song by song to pass the time.

As if planned by God, three songs came on in consecutive order that changed everything for me. When linked together, they portrayed such a message - I could not ignore it.

Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls

"and the one poor child who saved this world

and there's ten million more who probably could

if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them"

Meant to Live - Switchfoot

"we were meant to live for so much more,

have we lost ourselves?"

Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

"take this sinking boat and point it home,

we've still got time"

I was suddenly overwhelmed with shame and guilt. I could be doing something notable, something great, something helpful. But I'm not. At least, I wasn't.

It was then that I decided to sponsor a child in an underprivileged country. As soon as I got to a computer, I logged on and chose my little girl.

Her name is MATILDA. She is five years old and she lives in a rural farming community in Ghana, Africa. Matilda loves to sing. By donating a dollar a day, I will provide food, clothes, and education for this precious girl who would otherwise go without.

It's interesting: I find that I hit "shuffle" on my ipod when I'm indifferent, bored, or lazy. As if I have no preference. It makes me feel as though I am shuffling through life - without a preference, without a plan, walking slowly with heavy steps, rather than skipping or dancing through life as it's supposed to be.

But I was convicted -- I am meant to be more that mediocre. And I was reminded -- I still have TIME to DO something. Even if you're not out changing the world, you can still contribute to changing ONE person's world. And isn't that part of making the difference that you long to make? Isn't that a start?

Join today and give a child HOPE.

"happy."

Today was beach day, or in other words, a good day. I finally whipped out my new straw hat, I applied the sun tan lotion, I packed the lunches, grabbed the towels, made the soundtrack, and off we went - me and my boy.

I often have epiphanies on really good days. I think this is because I am able to see things the way my heart longs to see things - purely - without the frustrations of life trying to sabotage my vision. I open myself up and soak in my surroundings in hopes of gaining new perspectives, new inspiration, new cleansing, and new ideas. Today, it was a revelation about the little moments.

For instance, Ben, although anxious to listen to his brand new cd, happily conceded to my showing him my "current top 3 songs that make me close my eyes and just sing." For instance, Ben quickly taking the cooler from me when he looked over to see me carrying it. For instance, Ben laughing/making fun of my weird habits, but laughing that I-actually-like-that-about-you laugh. For instance, kissing on the beach and feeling oh-so One Tree Hill-esque. For instance, simple small talk while laying on our towels in the sun. For instance, falling asleep in the car on the way home...and waking up to find my boyfriend holding my hand. For instance, enjoying Ben's horrified facial expressions when I got him to believe something completely unbelievable. For instance, knowing Ben would order a blooming onion at outback, and being really happy I didn't have to ask for it.

The little moments are the important moments.

In those moments I'm reminded that beyond the affection and the adoration, Ben is my best friend...and we truly have fun together. When discussing this tonight with my dearest Mikayla, she asked me,

"where's your heart, d?"

"happy," I say.

...for that's all that matters.

...that's the most important thing.

in the end, the "timeless romance" that is our dream may just end up being that "faithful friendship" that we always need.

"romance eventually fades. it doesn't raise kids or pay bills. but best friends? they can figure that out." - mikayla nicole :)