It's April

And so therefore I want some of these:

When I was 7 years old, my sisters and I were flower girls in my aunt's wedding. Our dresses were homemade. They were floral -- pink, purple, and blue tulips. They had puffed sleeves with tight elastic that cut into our arms, and we had to wear an itchy, coarse crinoline underneath so the dress flared out. To make matters worse, my mom made us sleep in curlers so we would have matching hair. A week or so before the wedding, my parents dressed us up in our dresses and took us to a field full of bluebonnets outside of Dallas for some portraits. We were miserable the whole time. Sun in our eyes, red marks around our poor arms, wind whipping our curls in our face, scratchy fabric rubbing against our legs...I doubt we even smiled for any camera. But, how I would love to relive that afternoon, what I would give to sit in a field of bluebonnets once again. 

the first summer day of many

It is 84 degrees outside.

I finally I have my summer plans figured out.

I just had my second meeting for my summer England trip.

I unpacked some of my summer clothes --- and then ached to go shop for tons more.

I just bought a new pair of black, strappy flat sandals.

Currently, I am sitting outside under the beautiful sunshine on the green lawn with some of my hallmates. Due to the perfection of the day, we decided to take advantage of it.

Yes, folks, summer is vastly approaching.

So, to commemorate the end of the semester and the start of a new, glorious season, I am posting my summer "lists."

SUMMER 2011 PLAYLIST

1. Wannabe -- Spice Girls (for my sisters, mostly)

2. Girls They Wanna Have Fun -- Greg Laswell (such a good cover)

3. Feeling a Moment -- Feeder

4. Hey, Soul Sister -- Train (because of Ben)

5. Cecilia -- Simon & Garfunkel

6. Young London -- Angels & Airwaves (reminds me of driving 90 down the interstate)

7. Forevermore -- Katie Herzig

8. I'm Only Me When I'm With You -- Taylor Swift

9. Island In The Sun -- Weezer (this always makes the list)

10. Nothing Left to Lose -- Needtobreathe

11. Overboard (feat. Jessica Jarrell) -- Justin Bieber (and pretty much anything j.biebs)

12. Save Me, San Francisco -- Train

13. You'll Ask For Me -- Tyler Hilton (another that one that will never be cut from the list)

14. Hey Jude -- The Beatles (reminds me of a sunset)

15. Take It Home -- The White Tie Affair

16. Weight of the World -- Chantel Kreviazuk

17. Shark In The Water -- VV Brown

18. Little Lies -- Dave Barnes

19. Kiss a Girl -- Keith Urban

20. Touch My Hand -- David Archuleta (another one dedicated to my sisters)

21. Love Today -- Mika

22. Here It Goes -- Jimmy Eat World

23. The Awakening -- Switchfoot

24. Come On, Come Out -- A Fine Frenzy

25. Open Your Eyes -- Andrew Belle (the perfect retrospective, end of the summer song)

SUMMMER 2011 FASHION:

1. multi-purpose black dress

2. african sundresses courtesy of my mama and dad

3. metallic sandals

4. bandanas worn in your hair

5. toms wedges

6. straw hats

7. tie-dye

8. homemade jeans-turned-shorts

9. crop tops with neon tanks worn underneath

SUMMER 2011 READING LIST:

1. Anne of Green Gables -- L. M. Montgomery

2. Pride & Prejudice -- Jane Austen (again)

3. Pillars of the Earth -- Ken Follett

4. Murder in the Cathedral -- T.S. Elliot

5. The Lucky One -- Nicholas Sparks (in preparation for Zac Efron)

6. Jane Eyre -- Charlotte Bronte

7. Little Women -- Louisa May Alcott

8. Emmanuel's Veins -- Ted Dekker (courtesy of big sis, taylor-lynn)

SUMMER 2011 TRAVEL:

1. Colorado Springs, Colorado

2. Cambridge, England

3. Wilmington, North Carolina (with my seeeesterss)

when I grow up...

my future home is going to be full of so many secret riches and loveliness. It's the little things that make 'home' so special...and I plan to fulfill myself with quiet comforts and sentimental treasures.

- spicy mustard

- 'need to read' bookshelf

- record player that is used often

- real christmas trees

- wrap-around porch

- a garden

- a typewriter

- a lot of cookbooks

- homemade art...everywhere

- enlarged photos

- sealing wax for my letters

- patio furniture for summer nights

- ceramic mugs

- copies of old Jane Austen books passed down from my mom

- a good playlist always ready

- sticky notes for encouragement purposes

- chalkboard and chalk

- quilts

- really cool silverware like my sister's

- a built-in breakfast nook

- dad's fresh salsa and guacamole

- mom's russian chicken

- baby grand piano

- favorite quotes on display

- a fondue pot

- pictures of my sisters

- Anne of Green Gables and Lord of the Rings marathons whenever I feel like it

- goose-down comforter with pillows, pillows, pillows

- a footed bath tub

- tv on dvd

- a chandelier with tea lights

- fleece blankets for winter nights

- mac computers

- hard wood floors

- a puppy :)

- a shelf for all my collected literature

- devotionals with my husband in the mornings

- an antique phonograph

- black and white movies

- walk-in closets

- a room always prepared for my nieces and nephews

- dallas cowboys paraphernalia

- several different types of cheese

- a good grill

- craft supplies

- a balcony

- french doors

- vases for fresh flowers

- a stash of moleskines

- cobblestone in the backyard

- weekly mexican dinners

- a cable package with the NFL Network

:) satisfaction.

gold from proverbs

A couple weeks ago, I was doing devotions in proverbs. I suddenly was struck by the simple, yet life-altering advice that God makes available to us in his word! I quickly scribbled down short sentences in the margins that serve as reminders for my day to day life.

"a man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue" prov. 11:12 --- BE TRUSTWORTHY

"the Lord detests men of perverse heart but delight in those whose ways are blameless" prov. 11:20 --- BE BLAMELESS

"a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" prov. 15:1 --- AVOID CONFLICT WITH GENTLENESS

"the tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit" prov. 15:4 --- SPEAK LOVE

"a happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit" prov. 15:13 --- SMILE

"a wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother" prov. 15:18 --- BE A BLESSING TO PARENTS

"plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" prov. 15:22 --- SEEK ADVICE

"the Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to him" prov. 15:26 --- THINK PURE THOUGHTS

"to man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue" prov. 16:1 --- LISTEN TO THE LORD

"the Lord detests the proud of heart. Be sure of this: they will not go unpunished" prov. 16:9 --- HUMILITY WILL FREE YOU

"better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice" prov. 16:8 --- ALWAYS CHOOSE RIGHTEOUSNESS

"whoever gives heed to instruction prospers" prov. 16:20 --- LISTEN TO INSTRUCTION

"pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" prov. 16:24 --- BE ENCOURAGING

"a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends" prov. 16:20 --- BE LOYAL TO FRIENDS

"starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out" prov. 17:14 --- MAKE PEACE

"a friend loves at all times" prov. 17:17 --- LOVE NO MATTER WHAT

"a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" prov. 17:22 --- LAUGH

"better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife" prov. 21:19 --- BE A GODLY WOMAN

"he who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity" prov. 21:23 --- BE CAREFUL WHAT YOUR MOUTH UTTERS

"there is no widsom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord" prov. 21:30 --- THE LORD'S WAY WINS ALWAYS

"a good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold" prov. 22:1 --- BE A PERSON WHOM IS ADMIRED BY OTHERS

"train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" prov. 22:6 --- RAISE CHILDREN IN RIGHTEOUSNESS

"a generous man will himself be blessed" prov. 22:9 --- GIVE TO OTHERS

"do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared" prov. 22:24-25 --- CHOOSE FRIENDS WISELY

"like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home" prov. 27:8 --- REMEMBER YOUR HOME

"as water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man" prov. 27:19 --- YOUR HEART IS WHO & WHAT YOU ARE

"Make a wish and place it in your heart.

Anything you want. Everything you want.

Do you have it?

Good.

Now believe it can come true.

You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it is right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it...you just might get the thing you're wishing for.

The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it.

So make your wish. Do you have it?

Good.

Now believe in it.

With all your heart."

an ideal

In my Brit Lit class, we read a short story by James Joyce where the protagonist battles with the concept of life and death, only to find that the two are not so disconnected. Anyway, at one point in the story, he is watching his wife as they return to their hotel after a long, lively party, and he is overcome with memories of their marriage:

"he felt that they had escaped from their lives and duties, escaped from home and friends and run away together with wild and radiant hearts to a new adventure"

- James Joyce, The Dead

brianna lynette

I've known this girl since August 2010. She is a recent friend. My first memory/impression was of her laughing. We were in the hall doing some "ice breakers" the first week of school and most of our hallmates had dispersed back to their rooms or various activities. Bree and her friend were among the last (perhaps they were as desperate to meet people as I was) and they couldn't stop giggling over something unbeknownst to me. I was instantly drawn to and intrigued by this beautiful girl's infectious laugh. She was happy. And I like happy.

I couldn't have known how much I would grow to LOVE this happy, loyal, good, and selfless girl. I also couldn't have known that when I witnessed her demeanor that first night...she had just broken up with the love of her life -her first boyfriend- just a week or so earlier. Inside, she was hurt and broken. But I only saw radiance. I still do.

Bree:

- is a picky eater; her food preferences consist of rice with butter, pasta with meat sauce, french fries, olive garden, cookie dough, and she can put away an entire chanello's pizza.

- always wears unmatching socks.

- says, "like" a lot. ie: "I'm like, sweating", "I'm like, really hungry", "I like, love you", etc.

- knits scarves.

- is very generous.

- is cuddly. :)

On my 21st birthday, she came and spent the night in my room....even though her bed is just 20 steps down the hall; instead, she lugged her blankets down and crashed on my floor (which isn't comfortable, btw). Fortunately, we didn't do much sleeping. We snacked on hot pockets, easy mac and sour patch kids, stalked people on facebook, talked about break-ups and true love, our families, faith, and insecurities.

And we laughed. A LOT.

I'm so thankful for this kindred spirit who values friendship like I do and exemplifies consideration and love in everything she does. It's so hard these days to find REAL girls who want MEANINGFUL friendships and who ENCOURAGE you and say, "you look beautiful today" when you need it the most.

Where/how did I find her?!

randoms:

1) I miss my nephew right now. He's getting big in Texas (no pun intended) and I can't witness it. It's such a bummer. I want to feel his little teeth come in, see him crawl, rock him to sleep, snuggle him.....:(

2) I have been listening to some super good music. I need to share:

- "Little House" Amanda Seyfried

- "Ride" Cary Brothers

- "Jar of Hearts" Christina Perri

- "Feel This (Love Fall Down)" Enation

- "From the Ground" Lisa Gungor

- "War Sweater" Wakey!Wakey!

- "Marathon" Tennis

- "Thistle and Weeds" Mumford & Sons

- "The Ocean" Mae

3) Tony Romo is engaged. This was life-altering news.

The fiancee (sob) is the sister of this fine gentleman:

maybe I should just "settle" and marry him to be in the family? psh...settle. 

3) Chace Crawford (above) makes me miss Gossip Girl...new episodes return next week!

4) I really love how my professor fooled our class today and presented us with both Dixie Chicks and Green Day lyrics and told us to analyze the "poems" simply by the context. She told us their true identities at the end of class. Productive strategy, I think.

5) my best friend will be in VIRGINIA in um, approximately 1 month. I'm ready for fresh adventures, inspiration, memories, and everyday LIFE with this girl -- without the looming plane ride back to washington state. IT'S ON, M!

6) I have to read this book for my "Justice in Literature" course which I'll take in CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND this summer. This looks like an enticing read. I'm reeeally excited. And the fact that we get to VISIT the cathedral in which the book takes place? glorious.

7) The Virginia Symphony is performing "Carmina Burana" tomorrow night at the ferg. I so desperately want to go, but alas, have no one to accompany me. Not many people want to sit through hours of ancient music, it turns out.

8) I'm still looking for a job. Until then, I'm staying busy with my sweet hallmates, t.v. series on dvd, reading for english classes, reading of friends' blogs, and.....wow, my life is pretty lame.

9) I have been discovering the most amazing truths and reminders in Proverbs these days. Definitely more to come on that. I'm engrossed in the Bible as of late!

10) Perogies. Noodles stuffed with a blend of cheese and mashed potatoes. Cook them in vegetable oil, fry up some onions, add a side of sour cream for dipping, and wham -- delicious heaven. I may or may not be googling how to make them homemade right now.

11) I watched this movie last week with my mom and brother, Landon (yes, he watched the whole thing) which came out in my birth year: 1989. I loved everything about it --- the characters, the passion, the soundtrack, the elegance. The romance of this movie targets your heart...and your tear ducts.

12) my dad will be in India for Superbowl sunday. The Superbowl simply isn't anything without my dad. I'm kind of lost on what to do. Is that pathetic?

13) b. rothwell went to minnesota over christmas and shopped at the Mall of America. He brought me home a "cowboy boot purse." It's the most genius thing -- recycling cowboy boots and using the leather for trendy purses. It's my new favorite accessory. He says it is for the "wannabe texan in me."

hope, truth, bravery

Back in my hometown, Williamsburg, I used to drive the same route everyday. My family lives in what some call the "central" part of the city -- with the target, with the chick-fil-a...or I should say the orginals. There is now a new target and chick-fil-a, but everyone remembers the first loves. I live behind that shopping center. Down the road and to the left.

When going pretty much anywhere in Williamsburg, I always drive by the 199 overpass on Monticello Avenue. As people are coming on and off the highway, going about their days, maybe scared or lonely or happy, they were given a small gift. Just a little reminder. See, there was a phrase spray-painted onto the old, but not ancient, concrete wall with the mini-highway stretched above it.

"smile, things will get better"

short, simple. the words were even faded. but they were there.

I read that phrase a few hundred times. As did everybody else. It stuck out. There were no other drawings or words painted on the wall. Just this lone phrase. And it was smack-dab center, for all to read every time they passed by. It was written in black - nothing flashy, no pictures, no graffiti. It was nice. It served a good purpose. It told of hope: things will get better. It fostered happiness: just smile.

While home on Christmas break, I sat at a familiar stoplight...waiting to pass under the 199. I looked out my window at the gray cement of the overpass and read,

"no amount of paint can cover up my voice" with a lopsided heart next to the words.

I strained my neck to see where my little reminder of hope was displayed, but it was gone.

I felt sad, almost violated. Why would they paint over it? Why get rid of it? What harm did it cause? It wasn't profane, inappropriate, or political. It was showing love...in an unconventional way.

I thought about the rebuttal. "No amount of paint can cover up my voice." TRUTH. We each have a voice - a voice unlike anyone else's. And no one, and nothing, can take that gift away from us. You never know from which mind will spring the next great idea, the next beautiful invention, the next movement of love. We have things to say, things to share, things to do. We need to USE our VOICES.

I feel as if I need to clarify: I do not condone vandalism. In fact, I think it's one of the worst things to misuse or cause damage to something which is not yours, but this situation made me see from a different perspective.

Covering up the words someone says does NOT make them any less meaningful and does NOT mean they were never said. Covering it up is only hiding it and controlling it. That individual had a message of hope, and then another one --- even stronger --- a message that embodied bravery and power.

promising hope, truth, and even bravery,

destiny

ENGL 308

Today marked the beginning of spring semester 2011 at CNU.

I walked into my 11:00 am class (my second of the morning) and sat down with those butterfly jitteries. I stripped off my peacoat and scarf, glanced around at my fellow "english majors", and waited.

am I ready?, I thought.

Professor Marinova walked into the class right on time. She donned a short, cropped cut, big brown eyes, professional attire, and a beautiful bulgarian accent.

"so you're the lucky 25...you wouldn't believe the waiting list for this course."

We went over the syllabus and I slowly started feeling like I was shrinking...like I was in the wrong class...like I couldn't do this.

"this is going to be a tough semester"

"this is going to be the hardest english course you'll ever take"

"it won't be easy, but..."

"I bet you're counting how many times I say 'it will be a challenge'"

Yes, she reminded us throughout the entire class period what an undertaking this would prove to be. See, English 308W is "Literature, Theory, and Culture" where we essentially learn all the schools of literary theories, analyze literature, apply the theories, write critical analysis essays, read more literature, analyze more, memorize more schools of thought, look at literature through those lens...so on and so forth. It the "archway" for english majors. For me, it is the responsibility to myself to be equipped; it is the knowledge I need to distinguish why literature is good literature.

am I ready? I need to be.

- d